One more try
by Addie's Practice
Summary: Derek Shepherd thought he had everything. But what if he made different choices? What if he got a second chance?
1. Another Second Chance

**Disclaimer; I do not own Grey's Anatomy or Private Practice, they belong to Shonda**..

**A/N**: Hey you guys! I'm back with a new story, this one is based on the movie "The Family Man" (Kate Walsh has a small role in there) you don't really need to see the movie to understand this because it's all explained in this first chapter. The thing is that there was a story like this one here on this website, but it was deleted by the author, I was looking for that story and when I realized that it was deleted I wrote my own version of it, I really hope you like it

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_What if you made different choices? What if you say "Yes" instead of "No"? What if you got a second chance? - The Family Man_

For Derek Shepherd, this has been one of the best days of his life, he couldn't even describe the way he was feeling, after all those years working in the Seattle Grace Hospital, he was finally getting the job he always dreamed, he was gonna be the Chief of Surgery of the hospital, since Richard announced his retirement, he was the first and only candidate for the job, and he knew he was the best to do it, everybody knew it.

Now he could say he had everything he always wanted, he's been married with Meredith for now two years, via post-it, but still married, they weren't the perfect couple anymore, but they were still together, and now he was actually getting the job he always dreamed about, for him it was like a dream come true.

To celebrate this achievement of Derek, Mark planned a party at Joe's, with all the people who worked at the hospital, so they could say goodbye to Richard on his last day as the Chief and say hello to Derek as the new Chief. Derek at first didn't want this, he just wanted to go home and be there with Meredith, but celebrate this occasion with his friends was good too.

When he arrived there, he wasn't feeling the way he expected, he knew there was something missing, but he just didn't know what, all of the people he works with everyday are there, why would something miss? He figured this feeling would quickly pass, but it was actually bothering him all night, that he couldn't enjoy the party as he expected it.

Every time that someone approached him, he just smiled very distantly, not because he wasn't interested about what they were saying, it was because he was trying to know what was missing there and he couldn't just let it go until he knew. When the party was about to end, Mark sat next to him in the table where Derek was with a scotch on his right hand, which he drank everytime he started to think.

"What's wrong with you, man? We are all here together, happy for you and you have spend all night sitting there, getting drunk and not talking, is there everything okay?" Mark asked to his friend, he knew him to well to know that he wasn't fine. "I'm fine" He simply said drinking another shot of his scotch.

But after Mark left, Derek quickly got it, he knew what was happening to him, he remembered the words Richard once told in one of the conferences of the hospital, _"__The biggest influences in your life are sitting around you, right now"_ he realized that one of his biggest influences wasn't there, the woman who helped him to be the surgeon he is, and has been with him in every fall of his career, well until 4 years ago that it was the last time he saw her. His ex-wife, Addison was the only who helped him to go back to work the next day after his first patient died, she was the one who listened complaining about how mean was his resident, not letting him scrub-in when he was an intern, she was the one who was there, watching him in the gallery, when he did his first craniotomy and realized he wanted to be a neurosurgeon, she was the one who celebrated with him the moment he got in the neurosurgery fellowship, she was always there to support him, in his goals and his failures. But tonight, she wasn't she was the person who was missing in this moment of Derek's life.

After everyone left Joe's, even Meredith, Derek was still there, thinking that without Addison's help he probably wouldn't be there right now, about to be promoted as the Chief of Surgery of the hospital. He was too busy with his thoughts that he didn't even realized that Richard was still there, so he just smiled at him a kept doing what he did all night instead of celebrate, but Richard knew that look on Derek's eyes and decided to sit next to him.

"So, the party was really good, uh?" Richard started, Derek has been like a son to him and he hated to see him like this, especially in a day when he should be one of the happiest days of his life

"Yes, it was" Derek simply answered him.

"I can't believe that I'm finally retired, it's good to know that I'm gonna have more time to myself and spend it with my wife, Adele is the one who's more happy about this, though I really gonna miss all of you, being the Chief really changed my life, I can't believe that part of my life is over now. I'm sure you'd do a great job, I'm really glad that you are the one who is taking my job, I really can't imagine giving it to anyone else"

"Thank you, Richard, I know that is not an easy job, but I'm really happy that now I can finally have the job that I've worked so hard to get" Derek said, still with a half-glass of scotch on his hand.

"Well, now I see that my work as your mentor is finally done, you're one of the best students I've ever had, at first you really didn't like me" They both laugh "But you turned out excellent, Shep. I'm really proud of you" The old man confessed putting his hand on Derek's shoulder in sign of friendship.

"I was lucky to have you as a mentor" _And to have Addison by my side supporting me_, he wanted to add, but he new that Richard wouldn't take it that well if he says that.

"So, you have everything you wanted, I don't know why you don't seem like you do" Richard told him, noticing that the look on Derek's face changed with those words

"I don't know what you're talking about, I do have everything I ever need, since tomorrow I will be the Chief of Surgery of the Seattle Grace Hospital, I have friends who support me, why would I ask for more?" He said now a little angry.

"And a beautiful wife who has supported you in every step of your way" Richard complete Derek's phrase

"What does Addison has to do with this? She's not here, she has been with me since the very beginning of my career, but now she's not, that's all" Derek said without thinking

"I'm not talking about Addison, Derek. I'm talking about Meredith, I said wife, no ex-wife. Are you sure you have what you need?" Richard said slowly, now getting Derek's attitude

"Of course I am, like I was saying I have everything I've always wanted, I have the job, my friends and, uh, Meredith" He said trying to fix what he said before.

"Okay, Shep, remember that you brought this on your own" Richard simply told Derek, taking off his hand the glass of scotch on Derek's hand and giving it to Joe. "Don't let him drink more Joe" The Chief said turning to Joe.

"What do you mean with 'I brought this on my own'" Derek said air-quoting

"Oh, that's nothing, you'll find out" Richard said smiling, turning back at Derek "Joe, don't let him drive, call him a cab" He said to Joe and left, Derek wasn't sure that he was getting the whole point of Richard's conversation, but he was almost sure that the alcohol has something to do with it he decided to not pay much of attention and wait for the cap that Joe was gonna call him.

"Joe, do you remember Addison, right?" He asked the bartender, Joe clearly knew that this was the alcohol talking, but after running a bar for more than 10 years, he was really used to deal with this kind of situations

"Of course I do, your beautiful redhead ex-wife" Joe simply said with a smile on his face while he was cleaning an empty glass

"Do you think I was stupid for letting her go?" He asked like if Joe knew all that he went through with Addison

"I think that you two moved on and turned that page a very long time ago"

"Yeah, I know, especially me and Meredith, you know that you're the only person I can talk about this and I know wouldn't judge me" Derek knew that he wasn't that drunk, he just wanted to hear an impartial opinion.

"Yeah well, you know another person who wouldn't ever judge you? You're cab driver who's outside waiting"

"Thanks Joe"

About thirty minutes later, he arrived to Meredith's house, he was expecting that after he'll come, he was just gonna sleep until tomorrow to start his first day as a Chief, but what he didn't expect was that Meredith was waiting for him in the living room, something that she had never done before, she looked serious, maybe she was mad at him because he stayed at Joe's until everyone left and for the fact that he was drunk

"Derek, you're finally here!" Meredith exclaimed at the moment she saw Derek coming from outside "I tried texting you and calling you but apparently you've turned off your cell phone"

"Yeah, well here I am, why are you here alone in the living room?" He asked

"Because there's something you need to know, please sit down" Meredith said calmly while he sat next to her "First I need to know if you're under your five senses, because if you're not we can talk about it tomorrow"

"Yes, I'm good, I'm not as drunk as I look like, tell me, what happened? You're starting to scare me" He said to her, normally when he comes home late at night Meredith is already sleeping in their room, or talking with her friends who also lived there, but she had never seemed so serious and a little bit afraid before.

"Addison called" She simply said, Derek felt like this is the first day in months that he decides to think about his ex-wife and this exact same day all the people he knows seems to be a mind-reader, now Meredith was the third person who named Addison in the same night

"Like my ex-wife, Addison?" Derek asked, knowing the answer already

"Do we know any other Addison?" Meredith responded sarcastically "Anyway, she wanted to talk to you about something, but I told her you weren't home"

"Well, I guess I'll call her late this week, it's not like we don't have a live of our own to be worried if my ex-wife calls me or not"

"Derek, she wanted to tell you that her mother just died in a car accident"

"Oh my God" Derek couldn't find any other words to say, he was never a fan of Bizzy, but the woman always told him he was the right guy for Addison, and he knew how much she used to criticize her, but there was something about Bizzy that made her impossible to hate.

"Were you two close?" Meredith asked him curiously, she didn't expect that Derek would take this so bad.

"Well, she used to love me when I was his son-in-law, she used to tell me that I was like the son she never had, which is funny considering that Addison has a brother" He said with a sad smile on his face

"I'm sorry, Derek" She said holding his hand "You should call her" She said to him and left the room and went upstairs.

Derek took his cell phone and turned it on, he saw that he had text message from Meredith, Mark and this announcement "_You have 5 missed calls of Addison Montgomery_" She had to be really desperate to call him that much, knowing that they haven't seen each other since she left the city.

Derek quickly dialled her number and waited until she took her phone

"_Derek?_" He heard Addison, her voice sounded sad, which it was obviously

"Addie, I just found out, Meredith just told me, I'm so sorry"

"_Thanks, I thought you should know, I wasn't really gonna tell you, but Amelia convinced me to_"

"Thanks for telling me, how are you doing?"

"_Can I be honest with you? I know you're the only person who can really understand me_"

"Of course"

"_I don't feel anything, I know it sounds cruel, but I just don't feel anything about it, the woman spent her life making my life miserable, until her last day, she cheated on my father with Susan, Do you remember her? Then I had to save Susan's life, my mother's lover and Bizzy didn't even say thank you_" She started to cry and Derek was trying to stay strong "_She was my mother, but she never was my mommy, now I don't even have a chance to get to have a better relationship with her_" Since she found out about Bizzy's death she haven't cry, she had a feeling that there was something missing inside of her, but she didn't cry, and now she has two words with Derek and she starts to let out how she really felt about Bizzy "_I know she wasn't the perfect mother like yours, but I really loved her, even when I always thought she didn't… I'm sorry if I'm bothering you, Derek_"

"No, no, no, it's okay honey, that's why I called you, I get all that you're feeling. Where is gonna be the memorial service, I wanna be there with you?"

"_It's in my parents' house in Connecticut, well, The Captain's house- I think Amelia told your family and some of them are coming, you don't really have to go there, I know that you have a lot of patients and probably Meredith wouldn't like it_"

"I wanna go there"

"_Thanks_"

"Well, I guess I'll see you then, try to get some rest, I know you need it"

"_Okay, thanks Derek, Take care_"

"Bye Addie"

Just after he hung up the phone he immediately texted Amelia, she lived with Addison and he knows how much she loves her "_Please take care of Addie for today, I'm going to Connecticut tomorrow, I'll see you there xx_"

After all of this, he stayed in the living room, remember all of the moment he shared with Bizzy, until he felt sleep there, he knew that we would have to talk to Richard to tell him about Addison's mom, he would understand.

But went he woke up the other day, he realized that there was something different since the moment he opened his eyes in the morning, he woke up in a very organized and nice bedroom that wasn't his, suddenly the door of the room was opened by a 5 year-old, black haired with blue eyes exactly like his.

"Daddy! Wake up! You have to take me and Katie to school" Derek was almost sure that he was dreaming, this couldn't be happening there was no logic at all in this, and to make this even crazier, Addison walked in there, wearing pyjamas and with a very messy hair.

"Christopher, how many times do I need to tell you that you can't wake up your father like that, he was on-call last night_" She actually said that word, apparently I'm the kid's dad?_ Derek thought while he was looking all this

"I'm sorry mommy, I just wanted him to take us to school" The little boy said with a sad face

"Okay, just go and take your sister to the kitchen, I made pancakes"

"Yaaay" The little boy left his parents alone while he was gonna do what his mother said

"Honey, I'm sorry he woke you up, but you know how excited he gets when you take them to school"

"Addison? Why am I here? Last night I was in my living room, at Meredith's and now I'm here?" He said out loud, maybe sounding crazy, but maybe she could explain this

"What are you talking about? Honey, I didn't know you were that drunk last night, I guess I blame Sam for that" She said kissing him in the lips "Let me refresh your memory, Mr. Hangover, you went out with the guys last night and Amelia, Naomi and I stayed here with your children"

"What about Bizzy?" He asked_, is Bizzy dead in this weird universe too?_ He asked to himself

"Did she call or something?" Addison didn't know what he was talking about

Well, apparently not, he thought, he had no idea what happened, he didn't know if he was dreaming, but he knew that it was gonna be a very long day.

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**A/N** For the readers of "Private Emotion" I'm working on the new chapter.. So, did you like it? Hate it? Should I keep writing or stop? Tell me and I'd know :)


	2. Other Side of the World

**A/N**: I have to say this, thank you, THANK YOU so much for the reviews, you have no idea how happy that makes me, I'm glad that you like the idea of this story. For those who were asking if all of it was just a dream, you'll see the answer on this chapter. Enjoy it!

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_We__ do not get unlimited chances to have the things we want_,_ nothing is worse than missing an opportunity that could have changed your life. –_**_ Addison Montgomery- Grey's Anatomy 3x25_**

This was crazy, no this was insane, Derek couldn't think in a reasonable explanation for this that he just saw, he wasn't dreaming, it felt too real to be a dream, it couldn't be actually happening right? He couldn't just wake up one day next to Addison and two children who are calling him daddy, he would know if he had children. He didn't know what to do, because he knew that if he told Addison or whoever what he was going through in this particular morning he would definitely end up in a madhouse, he needed to find out by himself what was going on.

When he finally left the room and went downstairs, he started to admire the house where he was apparently living, he saw the kitchen, from the living room, to make sure Addison and the kids wouldn't see him, but he could see them, Addison was sat in the table next to the little kid who woke him up and there was another little girl, she looked a little more like Addison.

After he saw them having breakfast, he went outside the house, but he realised another thing different, he wasn't living in Seattle anymore, he quickly realised that he was in Los Angeles, the house in front of the beach explained it by itself. He started to walk around the beach, trying to figure it all out, but he couldn't, it was impossible. Suddenly the blackberry on his pocket started to ring. He saw Richard's number on the screen, so he took the call

"Hello?" Derek answered the phone, not knowing the kind of relationship he and Richard had now, probably he was still the Chief of Surgery

"_Shep, how is it going_?" Richard asked him

"Honestly, I have no idea" Derek answered sincerely

"_Come on, Derek, you could sound a little more enthusiastic, yesterday you were telling me there was something missing in your life, and today you wake up with a wife and two beautiful kids_"

"Well, it's just that-" Derek stopped, how does Richard knows about this radical change on his life? It's not possible, right? No other person here seems to know what happened. "How do you- How did you have something to do with this?" He asked furious now

"_Relax, Derek, I know this whole thing is being very weird to you, but I'll explain it_"

"Richard, I need you to tell me what's happening to me? This is not my life!" Derek was desperate, and Richard could hear that

"_First, calm down Shep, after all remember that you brought this on your own_"

"What did I bring to myself! I didn't do anything!" Derek said yelling, while he was talking to Richard, he realized how crazy and furious he was talking

"_I got everything I need, everything I've always wanted_" Richard said mocking Derek's words from last night "_It sounds familiar to you?_" He asked

"I don't understand, is this about the talk we had last night? Can you just tell me what the hell is happening?"

"_This is just a glimpse, Derek_" Richard said very calm

"A glimpse? A glimpse of what?" Derek said, now yelling

"_Oh no, you'd have to figure it out everything by yourself, if I tell you it would kill the fun, right? You have all the time you need, which in your case I'm sure it would be very long_" Richard said now smiling, even though Derek couldn't see it

"Fun? Do you think messing up people lives is fun? I am the Chief of Surgery of the Seattle Grace Hospital, today was my first day! And where's Meredith I wanna talk to her, she's my wife! I just want my life back, okay? I need my life back!"

"_No, I am the chief of surgery Derek, and Addison is your wife, this is now your life and if I were you I would be home because someone promised to take his kids to school_" Richard said now laughing and right after he hung up the phone.

"Richard, Don't- Do not… You did this to me; you can't just leave me like this! Dammit!" When he realised Richard wasn't there anymore he took his phone back to his pocket.

Now, he felt like he was trapped inside of this world and there was nothing he could do about it. What did he have to figure it out by himself? Besides that he was completely insane, there was no other thing that he could think about it.

He decided to go back to his new home, but by the time he got back, Addison wasn't there anymore, everything was quiet, probably while he was outside it got late for taking the kids to school, so Addison probably took them. He was sure that they were good kids; both of them were beautiful, the little moment he saw them he realised that they were the perfect match of Addison and himself, though the little boy looked exactly like him when he was that age.

But he couldn't just pretend to love some kids that he just met, even if they're technically his. And how was he going to pretend he was crazy in love with his ex-wife? He hasn't seen her since she moved out of Seattle_. "I can just pretend that I'm in love with Addison. I am not in love with her, right? I can't be still in love with my ex-wife, or wife… Actually I haven't think about it in a long time, though she really looked beautiful this morning… Wait, no, no, I can't- I need to focus here. It can't be possible that I still have feelings for her. Was I denying it this whole damn time?" _He thought while he was sat in the couch with both of his hand on his head.

Few minutes later he heard someone in the front door, interrupting his thoughts, he figured it was Addison, so he went to check, but it wasn't his wife, it was Amelia

"Amy? How are you? I've missed you so much!" Derek said, still confused, he went there and hugged his sister and kissed her in the forehead, he hasn't see her in a while, or at least that's what he thought

"Oh God, Addie was right… Look, we have to go to the practice, the patients are waiting for us" Amelia simply said while she took Derek's coat and tried to get him out of the house

"Do we work together in a practice?" Derek asked again, she is his little sister, she wouldn't call him crazy

"Oh my God, Addison told me you had hangover but this is ridiculous… Just to refresh your memory, Doctor Shepherd, we all work in a medical private practice together that you and Addison are running, now before I have to clear anything up for you, let's go!"

"I run a private practice?" He asked Amelia

"Come on, Derek! You can't be serious, instead of asking me the world's stupidest questions, just go to your room, get dress and let's go to work, your wife is already mad at you, so please don't make me want to join her."

Few minutes later Amelia and Derek arrived to the practice, he was just admiring the place where he worked, it looked very nice, apparently he and Addison were doing great, he followed Amelia until the kitchen and he just sat there was Amelia grabbed two cups of coffee and gave one to him, while they were there Violet walked in there, to grab a bottle of water from the refrigerator.

"Oh, hi, Shepherds!" Violet greeted

"Hey Violet" Amelia greeted back

"Oh, hey… uh- Violet" Derek simply said, his first thought was this woman was probably another doctor of the practice.

"What's wrong with him?" Violet asked Amelia, noticing Derek's look on his face, being a shrink, Violet could practically read people by the looks on their faces, she quickly figured that Derek wasn't being him today.

"It's nothing, he has hangover, I think, and he forgot to take Chirs and Katie to school, so Addie is mad at him"

"Amy, please!" Derek said to his sister, he couldn't believe that she was telling all of this to this stranger, or friend, or whatever this woman is, just right after this, to make the moment even more awkward, Sam and Naomi came to the kitchen too, they saw Amelia and Violet laughing, while Derek finished his coffee.

"Sam, Naomi!" Derek greeted, at least they were familiar to him, not just strangers

"Hey" Sam greeted back "What's happening here?" Sam asked trying to know what Amelia and Violet were talking about

"It's nothing" Derek said immediately and left the room, trying to find the office with his name on it.

"Derek has hangover, and he's all lost, luckily he would be back to normal in few minutes" Amelia told Sam

"Oh, that explains why Addison is mad" Naomi told them

"That's weird; we didn't drink that much last night, we just stayed up playing poker until 1am" Sam told them while he sat to eat his cereal.

When Derek finally found the office with the name 'Derek C. Shepherd MD' on it, he noticed that it was just next to Addison's, he looked there and she was with a patient, but she made eye contact with him, he knew they would have to talk at some point of this extremely weird day.

He walked into his office and he immediately loved it, the first thing he saw was his diploma of the Columbia University on the wall, he kept walking until he sat down on the chair behind his desk, then he noticed the pictures on it, he had three on it, the first one, was one of Addison and him, apparently in a restaurant, the picture wasn't that recent, maybe it was about 5 or 6 years, he couldn't exactly say when, but they looked just like those crazy kids who fell in love back in the med school. "_Maybe it was before the affairs_" he thought, other picture on his desk was one of Addison resting in a hospital bed with a little baby in a pink blanket in her arms and a little boy next to them, he recognized that this boy was the one who woke him up in the morning, and the third one was all the family, him, Addison and the two children, it was a Christmas picture, this last one seemed to be the most recent since the kids looked just like he saw them this morning.

"_You seem to have a pretty good life here, don't you?_" He said to himself while he was admiring his life with those pictures, that was the way he had imagine his future next to Addison, those pictures was the image he had on his mind since the moment he proposed her, maybe after all this time they were happy. But he knew he couldn't hold on to those pictures he was seeing, he knew that this wasn't his life; this wasn't the life he choose. But he couldn't deny that it seemed very well. The telephone on his office started to sound interrupting his thoughts.

"Dr. Shepherd" He answered

"_Hey man, is Mark! How are you?_"

"Oh Mark! I'm doing pretty well" Finally, other person familiar to him that could explain another things of his unknown life "How are you?" He added

"_Fine, I'm calling to make sure that you and Addie are coming to Seattle by the end of the week, you know that we have doctors on both of your specialties in here, but you two are the best, and I need the best for this patient, we really miss you two around here and since we're all getting together in weekend, it'd be great if you two come, have you decide it yet?_" They were going to Seattle? That was really good for Derek; maybe he could get more answers there. Apparently they would have to work together, so he'd get more information

"Oh, I don't really know, I haven't talk to Addison yet, she's kinda mad at me because I-" He couldn't tell him the truth, though he didn't like the fact that everybody thinks that he is drunk, he decided that he was going to stick what everyone was saying "I have a huge hangover from last night and I forgot to take the kids to school, so I haven't actually seen her since this morning"

"_Dude, you're in trouble_" Apparently in this universe, Mark was still… Mark. He hasn't change. "_You'd have to make it up to you, thanks God that's your specialty_"

"I guess so" Derek simply said.

"_Well, once you talk to her, let me know. Oh, and give my godson and the little girl a big hug from Uncle Mark, okay_?"

"Sure I will" Derek was about to finish the call but he decided that if someone could tell him anything without judging him was Mark "Hey man, before you hang up, can I ask you something?" Derek asked, knowing that he was about to say something completely mental.

"_Sure man, go ahead_"

"When did I exactly move to Los Angeles?"

"_Well, when you and Addie found out she was pregnant with Christopher, you two decided to start over with a new life in other city. Dude, that hangover must be killing you_"

"Yeah, I know, well thanks for telling me, I'll call you later okay?"

"_Sure_"

At least now he knows a why they moved if this kid was like 5-years-old that means he was born by the time he and Addison got divorced, maybe she got pregnant back there and they give it a real try, he thought

After talking to Mark, he went to check if Addison was done with the patient, he would probably don't know his own kids, or the people he works with, or he own sister, but he knows Addison, he knows what bothers her and what makes her happy, and if she promised something and he didn't do it, he knew that she wouldn't be so happy about it, even when technically he didn't know about this, she thinks he did, and she deserves an apology.

"May I come in?" He said, standing on Addison's office's door, she just nodded while he sat in the chair in front of Addison's desk. _Damn she looks beautiful, how did I let her go? Damn it, not again, I'm not still in love with her_

"Sure"

"Look, I know you must be mad at me, but completely-"

"You forgot it, I get it, it's okay, you weren't feeling good" She simply said while she was checking one patient's chart

"So, this is how we work now? I forget something and we just let it go?" He asked her

"Okay, first, you didn't forget something, you forgot a promised that you made last night to your children, and I'm not letting this go, when one of them have to take a parent to school and talk to the class, guess who's going!" She told her husband while she was still checking the chart "Did Amelia take you here to the practice?" She asked

"Uh, yes, we came here and went to the kitchen, I saw Sam and Naomi and another woman with brown hair"

"Violet" She said, completing her husband's sentence "What the hell is happening to you today Derek? You disappeared in the morning, right after you woke-up, you broke a promise to our 5-year-old, you can't even finish a sentence with the name of one of our closest friends? It is just not something that you would do" Derek had no idea what would he actually do in a normal day, he had no idea of anything, he could barely be standing there pretending that there was nothing going on

"You know what, you're were right, I was wrong" Being married with Addison for eleven years taught him that that was Addison's favourite sentence and he learned how to use it "I'm sorry okay, I'll make it up to you" He said smiling and remembering Mark's words. He knew that Addison could never resisted to the way he smiles, and he thought that maybe it wouldn't change

"I hope you're serious"

"Addie, I wanted to tell you that I talked to Mark, he called me before I came here, he wanted to know if we're going to Seattle, to work with a case they have there" He didn't know what they were gonna do there, but he really wanted to go, first to talk to Richard and see how has everything changed in the hospital now that he hasn't been there in a while

"We already talk about this, Derek. Are you sure you wanna go there? It's okay to me. But isn't weird to you? You know what I think about it, but if you're okay, we could talk to Charlotte to take a couple of days off the hospital, and I'm not sure if we should take the kids there if we're gonna be working all day, maybe we could talk to Amelia to take them for the weekend"

Now Derek had more questions to add on his list, why wouldn't he want to go to Seattle? He used to love there. He had become a flannel wearing, wood chopping fisherman, since he started living there. And he couldn't actually just ask Addison who was this 'Charlotte' person, because maybe she could be another friend of them and he doesn't wanna go there again.

"Why do you think it would be weird?" He asked again

"Well, like I said before, I have nothing against it, and it's none of my business, but isn't your ex-girlfriend just got married a couple of months ago? And I know that you said you didn't care about it. But I'm just saying it might be awkward. But if you're okay with it, I'm okay too" Addison simply said, still noticing that Derek wasn't himself today, she stood up "Now if you excuse me I have to get some lab results for my next patient"

Derek didn't know how to react about this, suddenly his- Meredith was married now, with other guy, he was married to Addison and had kids, this day couldn't get any worse for him.

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**A/N**: So, Meredith's married! Who do you think is the lucky guy? Someone from the SGH or a new doctor? What do you think? Review :D


	3. Take Me Back to the Start

**A/N**: Hey you guys, thank you for your reviews! And thank you so much **BadassGenius** for beta-reading this story for now on, since my current beta-reader, **celadeschannel** is really busy with school stuffs. In this chapter you'll see Derek dealing with the kids and his return to Seattle

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"_Nobody said it was easy,__ n__o one ever said it would be this hard, just take me back to the start_" The Scientist- Coldplay

After spending the day talking with people he didn't really know, treating patients who seemed to like him but he couldn't recognize and performing a surgery on someone that he had no idea who he was, except for the medical condition he read on the patient's chart, he was finally going back home.

In this very long day, he finally got to meet his co-workers and they seemed really nice people and good friends. When he left the practice, Addison was already gone so he took his car and started to drive around the city. He saw a bar near the practice, he'd wanted to go in there so badly since the moment he noticed it, he could really use a drink or two to finish this day, but he knew that he couldn't do that because people were already telling him how weird he had been acting the whole day so if he let himself drink as much as he wanted to, he would end up telling everything and he knew that nobody would ever understand. He didn't even understand what was happening.

While driving, he couldn't stop wondering about Meredith; if she was married now, and probably not in a crappy post-it note like they did it, no, she was really married. Who would be her husband? He knew that nobody in the hospital, besides him, nobody had a crush on her. But what if that changed too? Or what if it was the vet? She really liked him, he thought.

Derek wanted to know more about that but he couldn't just ask Addison about it; he would have had to find out by himself when they would fly to Seattle that week.

After an hour driving, trying to find his own house, he finally got there. When he opened the main door, the first person he saw was his daughter; the little girl was playing in the living room but in the moment she saw her father, she jumped into his arms.

"Daddy! I've missed you so much today" but Derek seemed indifferent, he didn't even know the girl. This was the first time he had ever talked to her, he simply smiled to the girl trying not to say too much.

"Hey… Kiddo" he simply said, he didn't know his own daughter's name and he sort of felt sorry for that, even if he didn't know her, she did, and she loved her daddy.

"I'm not your little princess anymore, daddy? You haven't been at home all day, mommy said that you were too busy taking care of other kid's daddies" the three-years-old asked him with a sad face, even this little girl knew that he wasn't acting like he usually did.

"Of course you are, sweetie" he said smiling, he couldn't resist that girl's face, she looked like a mini-version of Addison with blonde hair but she had Derek's bright blue eyes. "Where's your mommy? I need to talk to her about… I need to talk to her" he asked his daughter while she was taking her toys to keep playing.

"She's with Chris in your room, he wanted to show her a draw he painted at school"

"Thank you"

Derek immediately went upstairs to his room and Addison and Christopher were there, they named him after Derek, so there was no way that he'd ever forget about this boy's name.

"Hey you two" he greeted them while walking into the room. Addison was sitting on the bed with the little boy next to her.

"Oh, hey Derek" she greeted back "Christopher, ain't you gonna say 'Hi' to daddy?" she asked turning back to her son.

"No, I'm not talking to daddy. I just want you mommy" he said hugging his mother and Derek didn't seem to care.

"Addison, can we just talk?" he said ignoring the child.

"Christopher, can you go downstairs to play with your sister? I'm sure daddy's very sorry for whatever he did. Right, daddy?" she turned back to Derek, expecting an answer that would make Christopher feel better.

"Sure, whatever she says."

"He didn't mean it, mommy!" the boy said, yelling now.

"Just do what your mother said and go downstairs with your sister" Derek wasn't used to the parenting thing. His nieces and nephews used to love him but it was because he was the funny uncle Derek, but being a parent was totally different than being an uncle. He had always wanted to have his own children, but not this way. He'd never imagine that something like this would ever happen to him.

"Honey, just go downstairs with Katie, okay?" she said smiling at the boy but at the same time giving Derek a look, an angry one.

"Yes mommy" the little boy said to his mother and left the room.

"What the hell is happening to you, Derek!" she asked to her husband when she made sure that her son wasn't there anymore "One thing is that you act like a complete asshole the whole day in front of me and our friends, but in front of our children? What's wrong with you!"

"Trust me, Addison. I've been asking myself the same question since this morning"

"Damn it, Derek! Why do you act like you don't even care? Your son is mad at you and doesn't talk to you, and your daughter spent the day crying because she hasn't seen you all day! Does it even matter to you?"

"If you'd had the day I had today, we wouldn't be having this conversation! I'm trying to be fine with all of this but the thing is that I'm not! I'm not used to any of this!" he said raising his voice, he thought that he would handle this situation in better ways, but he just couldn't.

"The day you had? Oh, right! Because I am not a doctor and I am not a surgeon! And I don't have to see patients all day or I don't run a practice!" she said sarcastically "Don't give me that shit with the day you had, because we've been through worse and you've never acted like this!"

"It's not about work, okay?" he simply said, he didn't want to keep fighting with Addison. It was worthless, she wouldn't understand his behaviour.

"So, what's about? If you don't tell me, we can't try to fix it" she told her husband, trying to help him and to know what was wrong with him, but he didn't say a word. "Okay, you know what? It doesn't matter! I need to go and tuck our children in and when I do, I'm gonna try my best to not to tell them that they have a jerk as a father"

Derek could see that Addison was really mad at him; she left the room and he remained there alone.

xx

The next morning, when he opened his eyes, he wasn't surprised that he was still there, in the same room with Addison next to him. He woke up with the alarm clock and decided not to wake her up just yet, he left the bedroom and decided to go to the children's room, and they were already up. He had thought that he couldn't just be there pretending to be someone he was not, but seeing those two kids, playing together, made it difficult not love them, and after all they were his children. If he was gonna be there for a long time, he needed to start acting according to it.

"Daddy!" Katie exclaimed when she saw her father and jumped into his arms.

"Hey sweetie" Derek said to the girl, kissing her on the forehead. The boy was still playing with his toys because he was still mad at his father and he wasn't talking to him. "Let's get you two ready before your mother wakes up, okay?" Derek suggested, smiling to the children. Maybe he could get used to this.

An hour later, Addison woke up and realised that she was alone in the big room she shared with Derek; when she saw the time on the clock on the bedside table, she realised that it was really late for her, she needed to do a lot of things before going to work, but now she didn't have time and Derek wasn't there.

She quickly went to the children's room, but they weren't there so she went downstairs and saw that they were in the kitchen with Derek. They were all ready to go, the two kids and Derek, they were having cereal for breakfast. The only one who wasn't ready was her.

"Hey Addison" Derek said at the moment he saw her standing there "We were about to go once we finish eating."

"Hey mommy" both kids said "Daddy said we didn't have to wake you up" Katie continued.

"That was a big gesture coming from daddy" she said smiling to the children while she noticed that Derek was amazed looking at them "Now, you two go and find your bags while I go to get ready, okay?" the two kids left, leaving their parents alone in the kitchen.

"What are you smiling about?" she asked Derek, he had had the same face expression since she walked in there.

"I don't know" he answered "It's just that we have such beautiful children, excellent jobs, we did it pretty well."

"Wait, this is your way to tell me that you're sorry?" she asked while she was getting closer to her husband "Because I know other ways for you to apologize that have nothing to do with making breakfast, if you know what I mean."

He laughed. It had been a really long time since he heard Addison telling him something like that, until today, he never realised how much he missed all of this.

"Oh really? What do you have in mind?" Derek asked, teasing her and laughing.

"Well, I'll tell you tonight" she said turning back "Oh, wait, I forgot to tell you something… I spoke to Amelia last night and she said that she can take care of the kids for this weekend."

"Really, Addie? Amelia, one weekend with our children? I don't think so, she can't even take care of herself."

"What are you talking about? The children love her and you know that she is their favourite aunt" for one minute, Derek totally forgot about the fact that things weren't like he was used to, for one minute he completely believed that this was actually his life.

"Yes, you're right; the kids love her. So when are we going to Seattle? Mark told me they need us there as soon as possible."

"Yeah, well, we have done that surgery before, so it won't be so difficult for both of us. We've already seen the patient's chart, so we're familiar with her case, though I want to see her before operating on her. So I'm thinking we should be there by tomorrow morning."

"That sounds great and that would give us time to catch up with our friends there" he needed to do that, he needed to know how the life was in Seattle Grace Hospital without Derek Shepherd.

"Yeah, I'm gonna get ready now. I'll see you in the practice okay? I love you" she kissed him and left the kitchen. He didn't answer her, he wasn't sure how he felt about Addison right now, he couldn't tell her that he loved her too. He didn't know, he felt like he did, but what was gonna happen if all this ended? Was he just gonna stay in love with Addison forever? He couldn't just let himself do that, not now that he was way over her, but this situation was making everything really difficult for him, but right now all that he could do was smiling, and pretending he was the guy everyone thought he was.

xx

The very next day, after a quick check on the practice and leaving their kids with Amelia, both Addison and Derek went to the airport to fly to Seattle. Derek was really excited because after two long days, he would have finally discovered what had happened there and how life was working there, now that he wasn't there.

When the married couple finally arrived in Seattle, they went immediately to the hospital. Before entering, they were in front of it, watching it from the outside, remembering the last time they were there, years ago. At least Addison was the one thinking about it, Derek instead couldn't wait to go inside and see the changes in there and wondering if somebody would ever miss him, but before that, he needed to know about Meredith, who her husband was and if she still felt something for him. While they were walking in there, they could notice the nurses whispering that McDreamy and the She-Shepherd were back at the hospital; they just ignored it and laughed about it.

"This place is the same we left 5 years ago" Addison told her husband while they were waiting for the elevator and still observing the nurses and interns whispering and looking at them.

"Yes, this will never change" Derek said, smiling to Addison. He was feeling a little better now that he was there, back where he belonged to, with the people he knew and with the things he was familiar with. These days in Seattle would have been like going back to the things he was used to, at least just for a little time. When the elevator's door opened, they were surprised to see Miranda Bailey in there, who seemed to be happy to see them back.

"Addison! Derek! You're back!" Miranda greeted the couple, they were good friends of her and she hadn't seen them in a while.

"Hey Miranda, it's good to see you again! We're not back, we're only here for a consult." Addison cleared to Miranda.

"Hey Bailey" Derek greeted back, remembering that the last time he saw Miranda was about two days ago, but obviously she didn't know that.

"Actually I was coming down to wait for the two of you" Bailey gave Addison a bunch of stuff she had in her arms "Dr. Sloan told me that you were about to come by this time."

"Okay" Addison said, giving a look at the things Bailey gave her. "Here's the chart, labs, security key card and key to the doctors' lounge" she said showing all of it to her husband "Oh, look, honey, they used our old pictures on the ID card… It's funny, it's like we've never actually left this place!"

"Trust me, I get the feeling… It's like we just left for a couple of days" Derek answered, while looking at the things she had in her hands.

"Well, now that you're already here, you should meet the people who are gonna work with you in this case, and I'm gonna warn you, there are a lot of new people here since we merged the hospital with the Mercy West. You will know them later" Bailey, leaving the elevator, informed Addison and Derek who were walking behind her. Miranda stepped in front of three young doctors, who were gonna be the residents in their case.

"I assume you two remember Dr. Karev" Miranda told Addison and Derek, they just smiled nicely when they saw that Alex was gonna be in their case. Addison had always had fun torturing Alex Karev as an intern making him work with her.

"I knew you would miss me" Addison said laughing to Alex.

"Nice to have you back Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd, Dr. Shepherd"

"Okay, this is Dr. Jackson Avery" Jackson just gave both doctors a hand shake. Derek just pretended he didn't know him, he was getting used to this.

"Are you a relative of Dr. Harper Avery?" Addison asked curiously, she had always admired Harper Avery's work.

"I'm his grandson actually, but I don't like to make a big deal of it"

"Sure, let's keep it that way then" Addison said very nicely "Well, now that we're all here, I'd like to talk to the patient and schedule the surgery as soon as we can."

"That sounds great, but I'd like to see Mark first. I'll meet the patient right after you guys left okay?" Derek said to his wife after he gave her a kiss on her cheek, just like he always did when they were married for real.

He waited several seconds for the elevator and when it opened the door, he was extremely surprised because there was only one person in the elevator: the person he was looking for, Meredith Grey, looking like exactly the last time he saw her. The only different thing was that there was a golden ring on her finger, now.

Derek smiled when he saw her face, but she wasn't paying enough attention to him. She looked happy, for the first time since he knew her, she didn't had the 'dark and twisted' look on her face.

"Dr. Shepherd" she greeted Derek, gently and distant.

"Meredith, you know you don't have to call me Dr. Shepherd. You know it's always been Derek, there is no need for you to be like that"

"Seriously? I think we were past this already. It's been five years and we've only been together for like what? Two months? We both know we would never work out as a couple, not the way you and Addison do."

"No, Meredith, you don't understand. You don't remember it but we did work out, we've been together for years" he tried to kiss her but Meredith didn't let him.

"What are you freakin' doing!" she asked, she had no idea what Derek was talking about "You know what I remember? You leaving me, you promising me that you were gonna be with me, that you were in love with me! But what did you do instead? You moved to another city and left me alone! You don't get to come here, all McDreamy and smiley, after everything you did to me and after I finally had the chance to move on!"

"Meredith, please" he tried to say.

"No, Dr. Shepherd. I'm married now and I'm in love with my husband, he would never hurt me like you did, now, go to your wife. I heard you two came together, I'll keep my mouth shut and I'll pretend this conversation never happened okay?"

"I'm sorry, I never meant to-"

"We moved on and it's okay. I've changed, I'm a better girl now, the dark and twisted thing is over" Meredith said to Derek, while he was realizing how serious she was talking and how much she had truly changed, she had actually become a better person now that he was not with her anymore.

"I'm glad you're happy. I don't know why I tried to- I guess I was confused"

"No problem, now if you excuse me, I'm in charge of the ER for today, it was good to see you again" she said, leaving the elevator while Derek still had to go another floor down.

"Meredith, when am I gonna meet this guy? The one who ended up with the dark and twisted Meredith" he said laughing, he expected that when he'd see Meredith again she would be waiting for him, but now, seeing her like this, just made him happy to know she was different and not this careless person who was once his wife.

"You haven't seen him yet? He is one of the residents on your case" she replied while the elevator's door closed and Derek couldn't hear who he was, but one thing he was sure, he already knew the guy and he had already worked with him.

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**A/N** What do you think? So, Jackson or Alex could be Meredith's husband.. You know what would make me really happy and wouldn't take longer than 1min? Reviews :D Please?


	4. Live and Learn

**A/N** Thanks again to **BadassGenius** for beta-read and you guys for review.

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"_Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning_"

Derek started his surgery just like he began every single of it, "It's a beautiful day to save lives" he said, loud and clear. Addison saved her rings in her pocket of her scrub before starting the procedure, the residents were anxious to scrub in with those world-class surgeons and the other doctors were just watching the Shepherds doing the surgery from the gallery.

After four long hours, Addison and Derek had finished the procedure successfully; there had been few complications during it but nothing that they weren't able to fix. When they were about to leave the OR, all the doctors assigned to the case were washing their hands, the two attendings and the two residents were talking about how great both of the Doctors Shepherd did the surgery and how they were able to fix a fetal spinal tumor

"You two should really come here more often. I haven't seen someone as good as you two are together" Jackson said admiring the surgical skills of the married couple.

"Dude, stop sucking up. They're not staying, so you won't scrub-in again" Alex said quietly, so only Jackson could hear him.

"I wish we could, but we have a lot of things to do back at home... a practice to run and our children really love there" Addison answered nicely to the resident while washing her hand. Then she took her rings out of her scrub's pocket and put them back to her left hand. "By the way, I'm gonna call Amelia to ask her about the kids and make sure they're not driving her crazy" she said turning to her husband while he simply nodded.

"You should ask the kids if Amelia is the one driving them crazy" he joked "Tell them I say hi, okay? I'll see you at the cafeteria after I'm done here" Addison just nodded and kissed him quickly on the lips.

"I didn't know you have children, since you left we haven't heard much about you" Alex told Derek while he was drying his hands.

_I didn't know either_, Derek wanted to answer "Yeah, we have a boy and a girl" he replied smiling, like a proud daddy. "Now if you would excuse me, I need to go to talk to the Chief. It's been a pleasure to work with you, doctors" Derek said to both residents, he was too busy with his own thoughts that he didn't notice that one of their residents had a golden ring on his left hand.

"Thank you so much Dr. Shepherd. I've never seen a Neurosurgeon as good as you are" Avery continued talking, but Derek simply left then Alex started to laugh hysterically.

"Dude, seriously! Stop sucking up, the guy's not staying!"

"Shut up! He's a kick-ass Neurosurgeon and that's the specialty I wanna choose"

"Yeah, right" Alex mocked Jackson. They left the scrub room and started to walk down the halls of the hospital where they noticed Addison talking on the phone.

"Shepherd's hot" Jackson said to his friends checking on Addison.

"Okay, one thing is that the guy is your role model as a surgeon but this shit is getting ridiculous."

"Not him. I'm talking about her, the other Shepherd"

"Right, the She-Shepherd. You don't wanna go there" Alex suggested, putting a hand on Jackson's shoulder

"I'm not going there, I'm just saying the woman is hot"

"And I'm just saying the woman has kids, plus, she's doing the guy you were sucking up" Alex told him with a weird look on his face.

"If you put it that way, I hate that you're married. I liked you better when you were a single bad ass."

"I still am a bad ass! Well, I'm going to the locker room and going home. See you there?"

"Sure, I'll be there after I check Altman's post-ops. Is Mer going with you?"

"Is gonna be the first day in weeks we have the house for ourselves. What do you think?"

"Let's pretend you didn't just tell me that" Jackson started to walk away to keep doing his job.

"Hey, Mer and I have been married for just a couple of months, you can't blame me!" Alex laughed and took the elevator to go to the pit and find his wife

Meanwhile, Derek was walking next to Richard through the hospital's lobby. They were talking about the surgery he and Addison just did and how good it went but Derek didn't want to talk about the surgery, he had done that one over ten times, he wanted to ask Richard if his life would ever gotten back to normal because he was already getting used to this one, though he was not understanding some things. But the last few days hadn't been as bad as he thought they would have been.

"So that's all? That's everything you are gonna tell me? The surgery was great and good job Shep? Seriously? So you're not gonna talk about this thing that is happening to me? You are gonna pretend that everything is fine, everything is like it should be?" Derek asked Richard desperately, he was the only one who could get what he was going through.

"Exactly and to be honest, with all due respect, I don't really know what you're talking about. You should go find Addison, I'm sure she's waiting for you. Now if you'd excuse me, I have a hospital to run. I'll see you later" Before Derek could say anything else, Richard was already on the elevator.

"Damn it, why does he always have to do that!" he whispered to himself realizing that Richard had left. It didn't take him that long to notice the people in the cafeteria, just like the way he remembered, at least in this place he didn't feel as lost as he did in Los Angeles.

He saw that Addison was sharing a table with Mark, Callie, Arizona and Teddy. They were all laughing and seemed to be having a good time; on another table he saw all the residents, probably talking about their surgeries of the day and for sure they were talking about Derek and Addison, they had always been a good subject for the residents.

But what caught Derek's full attention was Alex Karev joining the other residents and placing a big kiss on Meredith's lips. He was her husband now and there was nothing wrong with it. Derek knew that Alex and Meredith had always been good friends and that their friendship was something special, but he had never imagined that they would have gone any further than that. At least, Meredith changed and seemed to be happier now. Trying to kiss her was a stupid choice he made, she clearly didn't have any kind of feelings for him and he was almost sure that he was falling for Addison all over again.

Derek decided to join Addison and the other doctors and stop thinking. He needed some distraction and he knew that his friends here in Seattle could help him with it, he just wanted to have a good time with them and discover if anything else had changed.

"There you are!" Mark greeted his friend, when he saw Derek sitting next to Addison at the table "We were starting to miss you!"

"Hey, I was talking to Richard" Derek simply said while kissing Addison on her right cheek.

"Honey, we were just talking about you" Addison smiled "We were just saying that we should go to Joe's tonight after their shift ends so we can catch up"

"Addie, I don't know. It's been a long surgery, I'm tired"

"Come on man, the sun in Los Angeles is really affecting you! We're all gonna be there, I guess you remember Torres" Mark exclaimed, pointing to Callie as she greeted back "That's her girlfriend, Arizona Robbins, she's the Pediatrics Surgeon."

"Nice to finally meet you, Derek! I have to say that I've heard a lot about you in this hospital" Arizona told Derek. For him it was weird to meet all of them again, but after all those days, it wasn't that awkward anymore.

"And last but no least this is Teddy Altman, Cardiothoracic Surgeon and my fiancée" Mark announced, holding Teddy's hand.

"Nice to meet you Derek. Mark always talks about you and Addison"

"Your fiancée, huh?" the last thing Derek remembered about Mark was that he had broken up with Teddy because she was boring, but here even Mark seemed to be better.

"Can you believe it?" Addison asked Derek "It's like this commitment guy took over our friend. Don't get me wrong Mark; I'm happy that your days as a manwhore are over" all the doctors at the table laughed.

"Yes, it's crazy" Derek simply answered her.

"So, Derek... Addison was just showing us a picture of your children. They seem to be very nice tiny humans" Arizona started talking, smiling "I like kids, I'm a Pediatrician"

"Yes, they are. After all, I'm their godfather" Mark answered instead of Derek.

"So, are you coming to Joe's tonight or what?" Callie asked Derek again while finishing her coke.

"Addison, you're still coming even if Derek doesn't go, right?" Teddy asked before Derek could answer to Callie's question.

"Of course I am coming" Addison nodded.

"Well, if you say so… I guess I'll be there too" Derek admitted, it would be better if he went and kept learning about how things were now.

"So, what did you and Richard were talking about?" Mark asked his friend.

"Nothing special, just about the surgery Addie and I did" he replied, eating one of the fries on Addison's plate.

"So, he didn't tell you about his retirement?" Mark continued.

"Richard's retiring? Well, I didn't see that one coming!" Addison admitted and couldn't believe what she was listening to.

"Yeah, it's hard to believe" Derek agreed with Addison "So, I guess the race to take his place is open?" Derek asked to the other doctors.

"Oh no, he already made his choice..." Callie answered him.

"Really? Who is gonna be the next Chief of Surgery then?" Addison asked excited.

"Well, he's sitting right in front of you" Teddy told Addison as she lifted her sight and realized that the only person in front of her was Mark Sloan.

"Oh my God! Mark Sloan, Chief of Surgery? That's crazy! Congratulations!" Addison was very happy for her friend, but Derek wasn't as happy as Addison was. He knew that it was his job, it was the promotion he was waiting for, but he wasn't there anymore. "Isn't it great honey?" Addison asked Derek as soon as she noticed the look on his face, she realised that he didn't like that news as much as the other doctors did.

"Yeah, it's great... congrats man" he answered, distantly.

After a long night catching up with all their friends in Seattle and listening to Addison talking to them about their life, Derek had learnt few more things about his brand new life. Things like that the practice they were now running belonged to Sam and Naomi but after their divorce they sold it to the Shepherds. He also learnt that one of their kids' first words were medical terms because they were always talking about it in front of their children and they still owned the brownstone and the house in the Hamptons, apparently they used to spend the vacations there. Right now they seemed a lot of meaningless things for Derek, but he knew that all of this was important to Addison and he knew he could use it in any time soon.

When they left Joe's bar and went back to their room at the Archfield hotel, Derek didn't know if it was because of the slight amount of alcohol he had or if he was actually thinking about it, but since they left the hospital, every single time he looked at Addison, he knew that she was what he wanted.

He was done thinking about Meredith; he was done thinking about Mark as the Chief of Surgery, all he wanted, in that moment was going back to LA. This little trip to Seattle taught him that people moved on without him there, things were even better now, they all had better lives, even himself, all he needed to do was to admit it.

"This was a pretty long day, huh?" she asked to her husband while getting in bed and laying down next to Derek.

"Yeah, it was" he answered, looking at Addison with his particular McDreamy look while running his fingers through Addison's hair. She returned the gesture with a big smile on her face.

"You know, I was thinking…" Addison started to say as she looked at her husband straight in his eyes "Since we are in another city, far away from home, far away from our children, we could..." she didn't finish the sentence, she kissed her husband passionately on the lips instead.

"You want me" Derek teased her.

"That's the main idea" Addison smiled and kissed him again. Derek quickly moved on top of her kissing her back and thinking if he could remember the last time he and Addison spent the night together.

"God, you're beautiful" he looked at her and for the first time he had been there, he was actually looking at her as the woman he loved.

"Come on, Derek" she just laughed and started to take off Derek's shirt but she realised that the look in Derek's eyes was very serious.

"I'm serious Addison. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life. I'm so lucky to have you" Derek, still on top of Addison, looked at her straight in the eyes so she'd notice that what he was telling her was real.

"How do you do that?" she asked, amazed.

"What?" he asked back, now smiling.

"Looking at me like you haven't seen me everyday in the past fifteen years"

Actually, he hadn't actually seen her in a very long time, even when they were really married he didn't notice her, not in the way he was doing it right now.

"Because you are you, and we're Addison and Derek" he answered her sincerely. He actually never thought he would say something like that again, at least not to Addison, but surprisely for Derek that was how he was really feeling at the moment, but he was too proud to admit it, even to himself; he couldn't accept that he was still crazy in love with Addison and that would have never changed.

"I love you Derek" she gently whispered to her husband while he was busy kissing her neck gently.

"I love you too Addison" he had missed that kind of closeness and he knew that it was something that he could only share with Addison, he would never have it with any other woman.

The morning after, Derek woke up first and realised that Addison was still asleep, she was resting next to him, with her body slightly covered with the white sheet of the bed, he kissed her on the forehead and let her sleep a little more.

He had enjoyed spending the night with Addison, he had almost forgotten how great she made him feel. But the feeling he had, that he was living someone else's life, hadn't gone away. Now they had never been divorced, this one was the first time they were in Seattle in the past 5 years... What happened to the guy who lived all those years and had all those memories? It wasn't him, physically he was, but emotionally he wasn't, he could still think about him taking his dream job, being the Chief of Surgery and now it was Mark's position, he could still remember Meredith as his wife, he didn't miss her right now, but he did remember it, he still remembered that night when Addison called him crying because of Bizzy's death and now nothing of this ever happened.

Maybe it was time to let it all go and start to live this opportunity he got. Maybe he just had to think that this was his second chance to be a better husband and learn how to be a great dad; he needed to be there for Addison and learn how to live this life letting go of all the memories of his previous life in Seattle.

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**A/N** I quoted a little part of the movie because I think it's very sweet. Any suggestions? R&R :)


	5. Thanks for the Memories

**A/N** Once again, thank you so much for your reviews, you're really awesome! And BadassGenius thank you so much for beta-read, you're awesome!

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"_Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. We might not remember days but we do remember moments, moments that define who we are__"_

It had been few weeks since Derek and Addison visited Seattle and after that trip he decided to let go everything related to his previous life, after all there was nothing he could do to take it back or at least he didn't know how to take it back. This new one wasn't that bad either, not as he thought the first day he woke up there. He was actually liking it, everyday he had spent with Addison, the kids and their friends, he really enjoyed it and he could also notice that nothing like this would've happen to him with his life with Meredith. Most of the times he seemed lost but he was starting to realise that this life he was living was the missing piece to complete his life.

This particular day started just like every other. He woke up in the morning and got ready to leave the house and go to work, he went downstairs and Addison was with the children having breakfast and he joined them. Derek kissed Addison softly on her right cheek while the kids were finishing their cereals. They were all together sharing the table as the family they were. Few minutes later, when they all finished eating, the Shepherds left the house all together.

After leaving the kids at the school, both doctors went to the practice to start treating their patients, just like every single day. Addison had a patient waiting for her in her office and Derek was gonna work with his little sister, it seemed that since they were both neurosurgeons they shared the patients and worked together.

After sharing a cup of coffee with his sister and listening to her complaining about a date she had that ended up badly, both Shepherds were paged to the hospital where the patient was waiting for them, who had requested especially to both of them.

"Hello Mrs. Wilson, I'm Dr. Amelia Shepherd" she introduced herself to the patient checking the chart in her hands "And this one with the good hair is your other Doctor, Derek Shepherd" Amelia introduced her brother too, smiling.

"Please call me Joanne, if you two are about to cut my brain you can use my first name, I've read about you two, you are the best neurosurgeons in LA and probably in America" Mrs. Wilson admitted and the doctors simply nodded.

"Okay Joanne, we were just checking out your chart and your scans, you were treated in a hospital few weeks ago because you passed out, and as I'm reading in your chart you've also presented loss of balance and coordination, peripheral vision deficits, perceptual problems, several seizures and fatigue. Am I right?" Derek asked gently to her patient while Amelia was finishing to check the patient. Joanne nodded. "It seems like we have to order an MRI" Derek suggested as Amelia nodded

"That sounds like an aneurysm to me" Amelia whispered to Derek so the patient couldn't hear her.

"You don't have to whisper Dr. Shepherd" Joanne said to both doctors "I know what I have, I was diagnosed six weeks ago, they said that there was nothing they could do. I was okay with it, I mean, we all have to die someday, but just two weeks after I was diagnosed my husband died in a car accident and my children are completely devastated already, they can't just loose her mother too, not just yet. I did some research and you are the best neurosurgeons with the best references so I went to a hospital in Seattle where you used to work and they told me you were here, so I need you to take this thing out of my head so my children can stop worrying"

"I'm so sorry for your loss Joanne. Okay then, you've come to the right place. Let's take another scan in the hospital and we'll see what we can do. I promise that Dr. Shepherd and I are gonna try our best to save you" Derek told the patient, he could notice that she wasn't afraid of the risks of her condition, but he knew that he would do whatever he could to save her.

They ordered a nurse to take Mrs. Wilson to have an MRI, while Derek and Amelia were there expecting the results. When the scans finally came out, they could notice the size of the aneurysm on Joanne Wilson's head.

"That one is really huge, not to wonder why she was willing to die" Amelia said to her brother as he looked at the image of that woman's brain, not really paying attention to Amelia 'cause he was focused on the MRI "But I do think we could operate it" she continued.

"I don't know Amy, I think I'm gonna agree with the other doctors, it will break as soon as we start to cut" he admitted.

"You can't seriously say that! What's wrong with you? Since when do you give up on every complicated procedure we get? That's the thing I admire the most about you, you can't give up on a patient just because other people say that there is nothing to do!" Amelia raised her voice, she knew Derek's behaviour hadn't been exactly normal, but this was something that she never thought he would say

"I'm not giving up, I'm just saying I've never seen an aneurysm as huge as that one, as soon as I think something that we can do to fix it, I'll change my mind but right now I agree that there is nothing we can do"

"You heard what she told us, right?" Amelia asked him trying to make him change his mind "Her husband just died, she's alone with her children. What if she was our mother?"

"Come on, Amy! Don't make this personal! Joanne Wilson is nothing like our mother; it's a completely different situation"

"It is personal! The same thing that happened to her family happened to us when we were just kids! Can you just imagine what we would have done without mom? Since dad died she's our everything and we overprotect her, I would die if something happened to her and I'm sure you would too!"

Derek didn't say anything, he just looked down, he knew Amelia was right. If something like that had happened to them after their father died probably neither of them would be a doctor or have the life they have.

"Amy, please-" he started but Amelia interrupted him "No Derek, you have a family of your own! How can you just be okay with going in there and tell that woman that you are gonna let her die? She came all way here just for you!" Amelia paused now because her voice was starting to break, one of the reasons she decided to become a doctor was that she wanted to help people to save their relatives' lives, so they wouldn't go through the hell she lived when she lost her dad.

"All I'm saying is, we know how it is to loose someone when you're a kid, they already lost one, we can't just make them loose their mother right after his dad, just think about it"

"I have a quick consult on the practice, I'll check that and I'll be back here. Can you take care of Joanne while I'm away?" he asked Amelia, trying to change the subject of that argument.

When Derek drove back to the practice, there was no patient in there, all he wanted to do was some thinking about how he would operate that aneurysm successfully. He saw through Addison's office and realised that she was alone there, so he decided to go there to talk to her.

He opened the door of the office and Addison just lifted the sight when she saw Derek and didn't say anything, he sat in front of her desk.

"So, Amelia thinks I'm a jerk because I don't wanna operate an inoperable aneurysm" he started, he remembered how he used to complain with Addison about everything that happened to him, so why not doing it now.

"I agree with Amelia. You are a jerk, though I wouldn't use that exact word, I'd say you're a complete ass!" Addison said to Derek, she was very serious but Derek couldn't really get why she was mad at him

"What? Why now?" he had no idea why she was acting like this.

"You have no idea what day is today right? Not a single clue?" she tried to ask, he knew it wasn't her birthday and it wasn't one of the kids birthday neither, they would have told him in the morning. But as soon as he checked the day on his phone he got it, the reminder came to his mind, he hadn't celebrated this day in so long that he almost forgot about it, but now it did mean something.

"Oh my God, Addison... it's our anniversary! I didn't- I'm so sorry! I've been working all day and-"

"It doesn't matter, you didn't remember it, when we were at home I thought you would have a surprise or something but by this time I was already sure you had not a single idea."

"Addie, I'm sorry, you have no idea how sorry I am, I'll make it up to you. We'll do something nice after we finish working, I promise, okay?"

"Derek, I don't care, you forget it! Don't you have patients to see?"

"Yes, Amelia is with her, but my wife is mad at me and that's more important than every patient I've ever treated" he stoop up and tried to hug Addison but she didn't let him "Addie come on, I told you I'm sorry. I'm pretty sure that after tonight you won't be mad at me, I promise Addie" he smiled and Addison couldn't help but laugh.

"Damn it, I hate you Derek Shepherd, you know?" she said smiling now, she couldn't resist Derek "I hate your perfect smile and your perfect blue bright eyes"

"You know you love me" he teased her "I'll find someone to babysit the kids and we'll make something special tonight, okay?"

"I can't wait for it" Derek kissed Addison on the lips, at least Addison wouldn't be mad at him anymore. Pete opened the door and saw Addison and Derek kissing

"God, I'm sorry" he apologized, embarrassed. He knew that things like that were regular in that place but he would never get used to it.

"Don't worry, I was just leaving" Derek answered him laughing, Addison was laughing too.

"Oh, I was actually looking for you. I am going to the hospital right now and Charlotte told me you have a patient there and that you could use some help" Pete told Derek

"Yeah, I was on my way back there actually. I'll explain it to you on the way to the hospital" Derek turned to Addison "I'll pick you up after I finish" he kissed her quickly before leaving.

"Bye honey" she smiled at him.

"Okay let's go, goodbye Addison" Pete told Addison as she smiled at him.

"You two are like a couple of teenagers" Pete said to Derek and he just laughed about it.

"Yeah well, it's our anniversary, you can't blame me" Derek confessed.

"Got it, so what it is about this patient?" Pete asked so he could suggest something to do with the patient.

After talking to Pete, Derek found a way to operate and went to find Amelia so they would scrub-in as soon as possible because their patient didn't have so much time.

"Amy, I just ordered to take Mrs. Wilson to the OR; I spoke to her and we're doing a double-barrel brain by-pass." Derek told Amelia while they were walking to get to the OR.

"Well, that sounds interesting, so practically we're gonna use two scalp arteries to re-direct the blood flow in the brain around the aneurysm, right?"

"Exactly" Derek answered her while they started to scrub in.

"Do you realize that it's a surgery that's been performed less than a dozen times? I've seen Dr. Greensburg doing one of them successfully" Amelia admitted to her brother, she was excited that they were doing it.

"Well I've watched one and I've perform two of them, one successfully and the other one the patient didn't make it. I don't want to understate the risks. But I think we work well as a team and we can do it"

"I knew you wouldn't give up! Thank you Derek" Amelia knew that her brother wouldn't let her down.

"Amy, did you know that today is my wedding anniversary?" he asked while they were going to the OR.

"Yes, of course, I was one of the bridesmaids, remember?"

"Yeah, right" he hadn't thought about it in a really long time, but he remembered that day exactly like it was yesterday, every single detail of it. "You could have told me, you know? Addison was mad at me because I didn't remember that it was today"

"The next year just ask me and I'll remember you" they were now in the OR, everyone was ready to start the surgery, the gallery was full of doctors. They were all excited to see the Shepherds siblings working together in a surgery as big as that one.

"Okay everybody, it's a beautiful day to save lives" he said before starting to cut.

"Now let's get started" Amelia continued and made the first incision.

After five hours of surgery, they were still working. It wasn't an easy surgery and probably it would have taken them another couple of hours.

"You know, probably tomorrow I'll be the one on this table" Derek said to Amelia while he was operating.

"Why would you say something like that?" Amelia asked terrified.

"Because Addison must be waiting for me and it looks like we won't finish at least in two more hours, probably three. So I'm almost sure that she's gonna try to kill me"

"Oh, right, I completely forgot about that, you know I think I can go on without you" Amelia suggested so her brother could go.

"Are you sure Amy? I mean, there's still a lot to do"

"Yeah, I know, I'm familiar with the procedure. I can do it, just go with Addison, I don't wanna be responsible if Addison kills you" she said laughing

"Thank you Amy, really, thank you so much. You have no idea how grateful I am that my little sister is also a neurosurgeon" he turned to a resident who was watching "You take this" he gave the resident the scalpel on his hand and left the OR, leaving Amelia in charge of the surgery.

He picked up Addison at the practice and explained her why he was late. Addison apologized as well because she was attending a labour in the practice and couldn't leave earlier.

They went to a restaurant where Derek made a reservation but as they were late they lost it so they decided to go back at their house. Naomi was there with the kids, Addison asked her to babysit them while they were having dinner but since they weren't going anywhere Naomi left to Sam's house because Maya and her grandchild were there, so she left the Shepherds there by themselves.

"Why did auntie Nae left? She told us she would make cupcakes" Christopher asked both of his parents.

"She left because we are back home, or do you want that your mommy and I leave so auntie Nae can come and make her cupcakes?" Derek asked his kid as he just shook his head.

"I think it's better this way. I mean, what a better way to spend our anniversary to be with our children" Addison said to Derek, they were gonna be there all together, it wasn't exactly as he was expecting it but it wasn't bad either.

"Mommy, what is an anniversary?" Katie asked her mother, she was also there with Christopher listening to their parents.

"Katie, an anniversary is like a birthday. Today is the 17th year anniversary of me and daddy being married" Addison explained to the little girl as Derek laughed of Addison's explanation.

"Seventeen years? That's too much!" Christopher exclaimed, he couldn't believe that their parents had been married for that long.

"Yes it is too much" Derek agreed "Your mommy and I have known each other since we were really young"

"Did you know mommy when she was little like me?" Katie asked to her dad

"No, I didn't, she was a little bit older when I met her"

"Of course he didn't, mommy and daddy are old people, they can't even remember when they were like us" Christopher told her little sister.

"Your dad and I are not old" Addison said to the kids as Derek laughed, he really loved to see the kids interacting with them.

"You're not so much old mommy, but daddy has grey hair and that makes him old" Katie said laughing with her mom.

"Yeah, Katie is right mommy" Christopher agreed with his sister.

"You know what, let's make a deal" Derek started, he was really enjoying the conversation with the kids but he wanted to spend some time alone with Addison too "If you go to sleep early tonight, I promise you that tomorrow you mother and I will tell you everything about how we met, okay?"

"But we already know that!" Christopher said to her dad.

"Oh really? Did you know that I wrote your mom a love song and I sang it our wedding?" he admitted to his kids and they were really surprised, they couldn't imagine Derek singing.

"Is that true mommy?" Christopher asked again, this time to Addison to make sure Derek wasn't lying.

"Did he write you a song?" Katie asked too.

"Yes, he did and he played the guitar while he was singing" Addison added.

"Daddy please tell us now!" Katie was anxious to hear that song.

"If you go to bed right now, I'll show you a video of it" Derek bargained with their children. As soon as they heard that, they both kissed their parents and went upstairs leaving both of them alone in the living room

"So, we're finally alone" Derek told Addison, they had waited all day to be alone. But Derek's phone started to ring "Don't worry, I'm ignoring this call" when he checked he realised it was Amelia, Addison saw the screen of the phone too.

"Take it, she is gonna tell you about the surgery" Addison said to Derek

"Amy?" he answered

"_Derek, I rock, I'm a rock star and a kick-ass surgeon! Joanne made it! I finished about half an hour ago and everything went well!_" Derek could notice how excited Amy was. "_I've just told Joanne's family about it, her kids were really happy about it, she has 5 kids! What a coincidence, huh? Thank you for letting me finish, even the hospital's board came here to see how I finished the surgery_"

"That's fantastic Amy. Tomorrow you'll tell me everything about it, okay? I'm kind of busy now. Thank you for taking care of it"

"_Oh right, your anniversary dinner, I forgot about it. I'll see you tomorrow them, sorry for interrupting_"

"It's okay Amy, just don't call me again tonight" Amelia could hear Addison laughing behind.

"_Sure, I'm sorry. Bye Derek_"

"Is there everything okay?" Addison asked when she saw Derek turning off the phone.

"Yeah, she wanted to tell me that the surgery went great and that she's a kick-ass surgeon"

"That's really great for her"

"I know. But now let's not talk about my sister, when I went to pick you up at the practice, I stopped by and got my wife something so she'd forgive me for not remembering this day at first" he knew he had screwed up earlier in the morning but he did know how to make it up to her. He took out of his jacket's pocket a little blue box containing a necklace that he was sure Addison would love.

"Oh my God, Derek this is beautiful, thank you so much" she kissed her husband, she really loved what Derek gave her.

"You deserve it, Addie, I was sure you'd love it"

"I've got you something too" she said taking a small box out of her handbag and Derek immediately opened it and revealed a scrub-cap. He probably didn't know about the last five years of his life, but the life he shared with Addison before Seattle was all on his memory.

"I can't believe you still have this scrub-cap! I used it on my first solo surgery; you gave it to me for good luck"

"Yes! And it didn't fail; you are a world-class surgeon and all started with that little scrub-cab. I found it days ago and I was sure you were gonna love to see it again"

"Thank you so much honey, this scrub-cap really brings me good memories, especially of us being a couple of crazy in love kids" he kissed her once again, he knew that the best days of his life were next to Addison especially by the time when they were residents.

After several minutes later, the Chinese food they ordered finally arrived. They were in the kitchen, having dinner just the two of them.

"So, I wanna know about Mrs. Wilson's aneurysm" Addison asked Derek, she might be working in a practice but she was still a surgeon and she couldn't hide the fact that she loved every kind of surgery, she loved to hear Derek talking about his surgeries, even when she knew he always extended talking about it but it was one of the things she loved about him.

"Well, we did a double-barrel brain by-pass, you know it's not a common surgery but we made it, well, Amy made it. But there's something about the patient that I can't stop thinking about" he confessed.

"Really? What about her?" Addison asked curiously

"Well, before Amy and I decided to operate, she told us something about her family. It turned out that Mrs. Wilson has five kids and her husband recently died in an accident. At first I didn't want to operate but Amelia practically made me change my mind because, you know, it's pretty similar to-" Derek stopped talking, he hadn't thought about his dad in a while, maybe in years, but every time he did it really brought him sad memories.

"Yes, it's a very strange coincidence that you two had to operate a woman with her history, knowing is similar to what happened to you"

"You know what, maybe in the weekend we could take a little trip to visit my family" Derek suggested.

"Sure, I'm sure they'd love to see the children, after all we haven't visited in a while and it'll be great" Addison agreed with Derek

"Anyway since we're going there, perhaps, we could stop by at your parents'" since he had been there, he was trying to find a way to make Addison going to her parents house, he couldn't stop thinking about the night before everything started, how devastated Addison was because of Bizzy's death, but here it was completely different because that never happened and if it would, he wanted Addison to be okay with her and he needed to do something about it.

"Absolutely not! You can't be serious about that, not after everything they did the last time they visited, no way I'm going there to see them"

"What did they do?" Derek couldn't help but ask. He knew that it was gonna sound crazy but he needed to know so he could help her.

"I can't believe you don't remember! After how much it affected me! Well, just to refresh your memory, Bizzy is a lesbian cheating whore, The Captain is a cheating manwhore so is my brother! Do you remember now? Or do I need to tell you when I found Bizzy and Susan kissing in our guest room?" Derek was speechless, he had always felt sorry for Bizzy because everybody knew The Captain was a cheater, but he never thought she would be a lesbian and he couldn't just react like he didn't know anything of this because he was sure that if he acted like he didn't know Addison would be sure that he was crazy.

"Oh yeah, I'm sorry I asked. Do you think there is a way for you to forgive them?" he asked but Addison tried to ignore him while finishing her Chinese food.

"You know what, can we just not talk about my family, at least let's just not discuss it tonight, okay?"

"Sure, babe" he simply said. He didn't want to argue with Addison not today "Thank you for making me the happiest men for 17 years Addison, I love you so much. Everything we did in the past helped us to realise that we're nothing without each other"

"It made us stronger as a couple" she smiled "I love you even more. Happy Anniversary Dr. Shepherd"

"Happy Anniversary, Dr. Shepherd"

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**A/N** Long chapter, huh? What do you think? Like it? Hate it?


	6. Nobody's Fault but Mine

**A/N** Thank you for the reviews and to BadassGenius for being amazing and beta-read this story.

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"_Guilt always hurries towards its complement, punishment; only there does its satisfaction lie__. __Guilt is anger directed at ourselves - at what we did or did not do. Resentment is anger directed at others - at what they did or did not do"_

In the last few weeks, seeing how great it was turning to be this new life for him, Derek Shepherd started to feel guilty, he felt guilty because he had been hiding something from Addison. Not the life-changing fact, he still freaked out every time he thought about it, but this time it wasn't because of this. He couldn't stop thinking about when he tried to kiss Meredith in Seattle, he knew that what he did was wrong, he thought about telling Addison about it but he didn't want to mess it up, not this time.

Every day the guiltiness was getting bigger and bigger, he needed some advice about what to do, he didn't know how Addison would react if he told her, even if it didn't mean anything. He wanted to be honest with her and he wanted to help her to get over about how she felt about her parents, but there was no way that he could do that if he didn't tell her what happened two months ago when they visited Seattle.

He spent a quiet and long morning at the hospital with Amelia, in which they worked on the case of Joanne Wilson. This woman's case was really important to both Dr. Shepherds because of the similarities that Mrs. Wilson's family had with theirs. After checking her again in the hospital room surrounded by her five kids, they were happy to tell her that she was ready to leave the hospital and continue with her normal life.

"Are you okay? You seem weird" Amelia asked her brother after they left the patient's room, noticing the look on his face she knew that there was something bothering him

"Yes I am" he lied, he knew that if he said something about what he was thinking Amelia would immediately tell Addison

"You're a better liar than that, Derek" Amelia said laughing "You know you can talk to me, I thought the awkwardness between us has been over since a very long time ago. Anyway, is it everything okay between you and Addie?" Amelia continued asking, trying to get an answer from Derek as both brother and sister walked down the hospital.

"Yeah, we're fine- Well, not exactly… Kind of" he admitted.

"Really? Because yesterday Addison was telling me that- Never mind, what happened? You wouldn't do something stupid again, right?"

"Amy, I'm really happy that you're trying to help but Kathleen's the shrink, not you"

"Yeah, well, Kathleen's not here, she's far away in Connecticut, so I am the only sister you have here. Are you gonna tell me or not?"

"I'd rather not" he simply said. He was thinking not to tell Addison after all it didn't mean anything, but hiding it wasn't right either.

"You know, if you don't wanna talk to me maybe you could talk to Sheldon, I'm sure he'll help" Amelia suggested trying to help her brother.

"Sheldon? The little guy from the practice? No, I don't think so, it's not like I know the guy to talk to him about my marriage"

"Exactly, he's Addison's therapist. He'd help you to get through whatever is on your mind, I know you always call Kathleen because she's your favourite sister and all that crap… But you should give Sheldon a try, he's really good" Amelia told Derek while she was about to go to check on another patient.

"Fine" he simply answered her, he hadn't actually got the chance to know Sheldon, he didn't know if they were friends or only colleagues but still, he decided to take Amelia's advice and talk to him.

When he went back to the practice he walked straight to Sheldon's office, he noticed he wasn't busy so he came in and as soon as Sheldon noticed him he smiled politely

"Derek, I haven't seen you in a while around here. Is there anything you need?" Sheldon greeted and asked from the sofa in his office where he was reading a magazine.

"Uh, actually I need a consult" Derek told him sitting next to him on the couch.

"Sure, I'll go to your office and I'll help you with your patient" Sheldon misunderstood, thinking he needed him because of a patient.

"Oh no… It's me, I need to talk about something, usually I just call my other sister who is also a therapist but Amelia suggested that you are a good shrink and since you are Addison's therapist I thought you could help me" Derek was feeling really awkward, he wasn't used to talk with a stranger about his problems, especially in days like this that nothing had sense.

"Okay, you can start telling me what's wrong and-" before Sheldon could finish his sentence Derek started talking again.

"The thing is I'm not being myself, I'm trapped in a life that doesn't belong to me. Don't get me wrong I really like my life, I'm not complaining. These last months have been amazing. I really love Addison and our children are really lovely kids, but I have the feeling that it all might disappear one day and I don't know how I could deal with it if it happened" Derek started to talk without thinking, Sheldon was a shrink, he had seen even crazier persons than him.

"And that feeling has been there since a while? Or it suddenly came to your mind?" Sheldon asked professionally.

"I've been ignoring it, I suppose…" Derek realised that he was over talking and he needed an advice for a completely different thing, not for the change on his life, he was supposed to be fine with that "You know what, forget I've ever told you that…" Derek continued "About two months ago I went to Seattle and I kissed another woman, should I tell Addison?" he asked Sheldon. Derek was feeling like he was the only person talking while Sheldon just listened.

"Well I think you-" Sheldon tried to say but Derek interrupted him.

"Should I tell Addison or not!" Derek repeated, so Sheldon would give him a direct answer.

"Did it mean something to you? The kiss, I mean" Sheldon asked again trying to get Derek to talk about his real feelings.

"I don't know, I used to love her, she was my wif- girlfriend or mistress however you wanna call her. I used to care about her, not as much as I do about Addison, but at some point she did mean something to me" Derek confessed.

"Do you still love her?"

Derek stopped to think for just one second, did he still love Meredith? He wasn't sure how he felt about her anymore, after being there living with Addison and his own children, he was really enjoying this kind of life but since he decided to let the past go, he wasn't even sure how he was exactly feeling about the situation except that he had decided to live one day at the time

"I don't know. Years ago she used to be my everything or at least that's what I thought back then" he decided to answer in the easiest way. Derek knew that he wasn't exactly lying. He couldn't compare the years he spent with Addison, with the few years he had been with Meredith. He used to feel something for Meredith but now he was sure that it was all gone.

"You're gonna have to make a choice, Derek. You can not tell your wife about it and pretend that you are fine but knowing that you'd be lying to her, hiding what you did. Or you can tell her the truth, take that off your chest and deal with the consequences of your acts; after all, human life is determined by the choices we take. It's all about you, I can't just tell you what to do… But I'm sure you know what's the right thing to do and that's why you're making it harder than it is" Sheldon answered to Derek, knowing that it wasn't what he wanted to hear.

"Seriously? The human life is determined by the choices we take? That's all you can say to me?" Derek yelled, stepping up to leave the office.

"You already made your choice" Sheldon answered.

"You really suck, you know? I should have called Kathleen" he shouted, leaving the office as Sheldon just went to sit behind his desk, knowing that Derek had chosen the right thing to do.

After leaving Sheldon's office, Derek decided to look for Addison so they could talk. He realised that she was in the kitchen talking with Naomi, they seemed to be having a good time, they were both smiling, he knew that Addison wouldn't take it well, but it's not like he could hide any other thing, he had enough with this new life thing.

"Hey ladies" he walked into the kitchen interrupting the two women talking.

"Hey" both Addison and Naomi greeted back and, as soon as Addison saw her husband, a big smile appeared on her face.

"Okay I'm gonna leave you two alone so you can talk, I'm going to my office. I have a patient there, Addison call me later okay?" Naomi said smiling to give the couple a minute alone.

"Sure Nae, see you later"

Derek grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator and sat next to Addison

"So, what's up with you? Is there everything okay?" Addison asked running her fingers through Derek's hair

"Addie, there's something I've been meaning to tell you for a long time and I think you need to know it" he started, like Sheldon said, he'd have to deal with the consequences.

"Okay? But right after you finish there is something you need to know too" Addison told him smiling, at the same time she was curious to know what Derek was gonna tell her, she was getting used to Derek acting weird but this time she knew there was something else.

"First, you need to know that I'm very sorry and that it was something meaningless" Derek continued talking.

"God, what did you do Derek?" Addison asked, serious now.

"I tried to kiss Meredith Grey back in Seattle" he simply said it, with a soft voice and with his sad eyes.

"Damn it Derek, after all this time? Are you serious?" she asked coldly and getting angry. She couldn't believe what he just told her, she was excited at first because she was about to tell Derek something really important, but now it didn't matter, she thought.

"Addie, I need you to believe me that I'm sorry. I'm more sorry that you could ever imagine, I didn't tell you before because I thought it was pointless. I don't know why I did it, I was confused and nothing happened" as he was talking, he could notice how Addison was holding the tears in her eyes, trying her best not to cry.

"Well, you haven't seen her in five years, that's sounds fair for both of you! I guess you really missed her, don't you?" she said sarcastically and raising her voice.

"Addison, please you're misunderstanding the facts" he explained trying to calm Addison down.

"Oh, so tell me what do I need to understand?"

He didn't say a word.

"I just… I'm just gonna ask you one thing" she whispered and he nodded "Do you still love her? I mean, did you try to kiss her because you still have feelings for her? Just tell me. I need to know if I've spent the last six years of my life with a man who's still in love with his mistress" she asked, though she was afraid to hear the answer.

"Addison, come on, you're not making any sense… And to answer your question, I don't and to be honest, I think I never did, you're my wife and I love you. I get if you get mad at me, but since I got you back I can't just simply imagine my life without you, since the moment I first saw you I knew you were gonna be the mother of my children, the woman I wanna spend the rest of my life with. That's you Addie, no one else" he said with his voice starting to break and holding Addison's hand.

"If it didn't mean anything to you, why did you hide it? Why did you keep it away from me?" she asked and her voice starting to break.

"I wanted to tell you, I really did, but I was afraid that we'd make a big deal of it just like we're doing right now… Please Addison, you need to believe that it was nothing, if I wanted to have something with her, why would I ever tell you in the first place?"

"I'm sorry but I need to go, I'm sure that I have a patient in my office and so do you" she simply said drying the tears off here face.

"Please don't do this, let's talk about it" Derek insisted.

"You want to talk? Okay! I'll tell you what I wanted you to know! Before you came here with your 'I kissed Meredith' speech, I was talking with Naomi that I wanted to do something special to tell you that I'm pregnant!" She stopped for just one second when she noticed Derek's facial expression changing "But I'm sure that talking about your mistress is way better than that" Derek was shocked, he couldn't find any words to tell Addison in this right moment, he couldn't believe she just told him those words.

"Oh my God, Addison, that's fantastic, we're gonna be parents, when did you find out?" he exclaimed smiling, he couldn't help the fact he was happy about that. It'd be his first kid, technically

"A couple of days ago, but it doesn't matter right now because after all these years we haven't gotten over the Meredith thing, I knew it was a bad idea to go back to Seattle, now if you'd excuse me, I gotta see a patient" she admitted to her husband, her voice broken.

"Addison…" but before he could say something else she went to an exam room where a patient was waiting for her. Derek left the kitchen too and saw that outside of it there were the other members of the practice, waiting for them to finish their fight so they could go in there "Don't you all have something better to do?" Derek asked, shouting in the moment he saw them and immediately left without hearing an answer.

After a while Violet and Sam were still in the kitchen, so Cooper walked in there, not to find something to eat, he wanted to find out what just happened.

"I heard that mommy and daddy were fighting again" Cooper joked with his friends.

"That's funny, you used to say the same thing about me and Naomi" Sam told Cooper.

"Yes Coop, this time apparently it was really huge" Violet informed Cooper as he sat next to her.

"What was it about this time?" Cooper asked again.

"I'm not sure but it has something to do with Seattle" Sam let them know "You know what, Derek is right, we should find something better to do" Sam added.

"Yeah, we should… It's not like they won't get over it, right?" Violet told her two friends

"Yeah, you're right"

Later that day, Derek was waiting for Addison to finish with her patient and he couldn't stop thinking about what she said to him, that she was pregnant with his child. He had been there for less than three months and he got her pregnant. He couldn't deny he was happy about this but he was wishing that he would have kept his mouth shut about the Meredith thing, they'd be happy celebrating right now.

"Addison" he exclaimed right after Addison's patient left her office. Addison just ignored him and didn't say a word.

"Addison, please" he begged her "Can we just talk about it? You can't just tell me that you're pregnant and then not talk to me. We're making a big deal of something meaningless" he wasn't lying at this point that was all he felt for his regular life.

"We will talk about it… Just not today" she said picking up her stuff to leave the practice "I can't- I don't even wanna see you right now"

"If it's worth it, I'm saying it again. I'm deeply sorry, I told you because I thought you should know. I don't want to mess things up between us because of that" he confessed, holding Addison's hand

"Derek, please… I know you're sorry, ok? I'm just-"

"It's okay Addie… We'll talk whenever you're ready"

"Thank you"

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**A/N** So? What do you think? Any suggestion? Tell me and I'll know.. I'll try to update next week though I'm not sure because I started school this week and my proffesors for this year are totally crazy.. BTW Have you checked my lastest story "You are not alone"? If you haven't you should :) Anyway please review :D


	7. Hard to Say I'm Sorry

**A/N:** Thank you all for your lovely reviews and again to BadassGenius for beta-read this story :)

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"_Just because someone messes up once, __it__ doesn't mean that with time they can't find a way to change for the better. Sometimes the __smallest__ thing in life changes something forever and there will be times when you wish you c__ould__ go back to how things used to be but you just can't, because things have changed so much_."

That exact same night, Addison Montgomery went back to her place by herself. She told her husband she needed some space to deal with this mess and she was absolutely sure that he also needed to deal with the news she told him.

Before leaving her car and walking into her house with her children, she couldn't help but picturing the image of Derek trying to kiss Meredith. It was a shadow that she hadn't seen in a very long time and now it was all coming back.

She couldn't help but remember all the terrible times Derek made her go through when they lived in Seattle, but she also remembered how good they had been since they moved to LA. It was a really new beginning for both of them and this was practically the perfect place to raise their kids. They had been so happy these last few years that every single memory about Seattle was deleted of her mind until now.

When she found out she was pregnant this time, she couldn't believe it. It was practically impossible for her to have another baby, but somehow they made it. She was very happy about this but the last thing she would have ever thought of was listening to the name of _Meredith Grey_ when telling her husband the news. Honestly she wouldn't want to hear that name ever again.

When she came to her house, the nanny immediately left noticing that Addison wasn't okay, but she decided just to pick her things up and leaving without asking like she usually did. After few minutes, Addison went to check on the children who were watching cartoons in the living room.

"Hey you two" she greeted her children, trying to hide the fact she had been crying.

"Hey mommy" Katie answered her mother while she was still watching tv.

"Where's daddy?" Christopher asked and looked at her with his bright blue eyes, just like his dad's.

"Yeah, where is he? He promised he would take us to have ice-cream after work" Katie added.

"Daddy- he is not coming home tonight" She simply answered to both children, they were too little to understand what happened between their parents "He's gonna be on-call, which means that it's gonna be just the three of us tonight" she told them, faking a smile

"Why?" Katie asked her mother getting angry; she wanted to see her dad so badly.

"I told you Katherine, he's working. He can't be here" She stated trying to stay calm, she knew how much the kids loved their dad, but she also needed time to think.

"Are you mad at daddy?" Christopher asked his mother

"What?" She laughed "Why would you say that?" She completed

"Because everytime you are mad at daddy you say he is working" They might be kids but they knew their parents, they were able to say when they were lying to them.

"No sweetie, daddy and I are just fine, you have nothing to be worried about, he's just working. I'm sure he'll take you out tomorrow, okay?" The children just nodded as Addison tried to hold the tears in her eyes.

"Now come here and give mommy a hug, please?" She smiled to her children as they hugged her. Even if they didn't know it, it made her feel a lot better "Thank you"

"When is daddy gonna be back? I miss him already" The little girl tried to ask again

"He'll be back soon, okay? Now can you go to your room? I'll be there with you in a few" She kissed both kids before they'd go to their room.

Meanwhile, Derek was still at the practice. He was in his office, thinking. He knew Addison wouldn't want him to go home, so he decided to stay there until he figured what to do.

"Hey, what are you still doing here?" Sam asked, worried about his friend, when he noticed that Derek was still there.

"Hey man, I just need to do some thinking before going home to Addison and the children" He simply answered "What about you?" He asked back

"Uh, I was at the hospital with a patient. I just came to pick my stuff up and go home" Sam could see his friend wasn't okay. He would never stay late there, he always went home early to be with his children.

"Is there everything okay?" Sam added.

"She's not talking to me, Sam" Derek confessed "I screwed up, we had a fight and now she doesn't even wanna see me"

"I'm sorry about that" Sam sat in front of Derek on the couch in his office "I'm also sorry for being outside the kitchen when you two were having a discussion"

"Don't worry about that, I shouldn't have told her anything at all"

"Look man. I don't know what happened and I don't wanna know because it's none of my business but you two are my closest friends and I hate to see you like this. If I were you, I wouldn't stay here. I would go after her to tell her how sorry I am"

"I told her I kissed another woman and right after that she told me she's pregnant…"

"Wow, that's really great! The baby, I mean" Sam told his friend putting a hand on his shoulder

"Thanks" He simply answered with a little smile

"What I don't understand is why you are here in this dark and ugly office instead of being celebrating with your family"

"I told you, she doesn't wanna see me"

"Who cares? I'm sure she'll be happy to see you trying hard to get her to talk to you. I've known Addison for almost twenty years and I'm completely sure that she doesn't wanna be alone, she told you that as a reaction but she needs you, especially now"

"You know what, you're right… Thank you so much, Sam"

"Anytime buddy" Derek stood up to pick his things up and leave. He was glad he talked to Sam and he made him realize that he needed to be with Addison

"Sam, if you ever stop being a surgeon you would be a great therapist... you'd totally kick Sheldon's ass… Seriously, you're way better than that little guy" Sam couldn't help but laugh at Derek's comment.

"I know that" Sam joked as Derek was about to leave

About thirty minutes later Derek went to his home. He knew that probably Addison wouldn't wanna see him yet but he needed to try, he needed to show her how sorry he was.

When he entered the house, he went to the living room and to the kitchen, hoping to find Addison there, but she wasn't there. Then he went upstairs to find her in their bedroom, but before that he went to check on the kids. He opened the door of the children's room and smiled when he saw them, he hadn't seen them since the morning.

"Daddy!" Both kids happily exclaimed when they saw their father and jumped into Derek's arms.

"Mommy told us you were in the hospital and that you weren't coming today" Katie told her father. Derek immediately understood that Addison wasn't really expecting him.

"Yeah, I was" He lied, he couldn't ever tell them what really happened between Addison and himself "But I'm here now" He smiled and kissed his kids, he really loved them even though he had known them for few months.

"Mommy said you would take us to get ice-cream tomorrow" Christopher told Derek.

"Yes, tomorrow we will all go out to get some ice-cream… Now can you tell me where's your mommy? I really wanna talk to her"

"She's in her room. I think she's sad" Katie whispered "Chris and I think she was crying… Is she okay?" She continued, Derek knew that his three-year-old daughter was right but he couldn't admit it to her.

"Yes sweetie, she's okay. I'll go to see her, you two just stay here, okay?"

The kids didn't answer, they just nodded and Derek left the room to go to find Addison. He wasn't wrong, she was in her room, sitting on her bed and speaking on her blackberry. As soon as she noticed Derek was there, the look on her face changed.

"I'll call you back, okay?" She said nicely to the person she was talking to and put her phone next to her. Then she lifted the sight to see Derek, she didn't say a word. He sat next to her on the bed

"Addie…" He started "I know you didn't want me to come here but I want to find a way to fix what I did and I just couldn't-" Addison stopped him, putting her hand on Derek's mouth.

"Don't- please, don't say anything… I overreacted, you said nothing happened and I believe you. We've come so far, we have this great life together, we have a beautiful family… I've been thinking a lot and you were right, you wanted to be honest with me and I really appreciate that… I mean, it's not like I haven't screwed up before… You forgave me for everything I've done and that's a lot… I'm sorry, ok?" She honestly told him

"You don't have to be sorry, Addie. Your reaction was perfectly normal. I wouldn't have expected something different" He ensured Addison, holding her hand and before she could say something else, he continued "And please, don't talk about the past. We've both screwed up before, it wasn't just you and somehow we've made it through and we're even a better couple now… So please, don't say it again"

Addison just nodded as Derek hugged her. He knew that when he had a choice to make, he chose wrong. If he had known that he and Addison would have had this beautiful family, he wouldn't even thought of leaving her or letting her go to another city. He would have done everything to have her by his side and never let her go. He was scared of waking up one day and realising that this was just a dream. He needed to live everyday at the time and enjoying this glimpse that he didn't want to lose

"Thank you, Derek" She simply said as he smiled at her and kissed her

"Now I think there's another thing we need to talk about" He told her, placing his hand on Addison's belly. She just laughed

"Yeah, I know… I told you. I found out about two days ago with a home pregnancy test. I wanted to be really sure because I thought I couldn't have more kids and this morning I got my blood tests results and it was positive too… I was trying to find the right moment to tell you… I'm sorry for the way I told you"

"Addie, don't tell me you're sorry. You're having my baby and that's a reason enough for not to be mad at you ever" Both of them laughed

"I presume you haven't told the children, right? Because they would have told me already" Derek asked Addison.

"No, I haven't… I was hoping we could tell them together"

"I'd love to… What about our families?" Derek asked again

"What about them?

"Well, shouldn't they know about their newest family member?" He asked, knowing Addison would start with the conversation where she said she didn't wanna visit her family

"I know where you are going with this…"

"Come on, Addie… They are your parents, you can't just ignore them"

"Well... I've done that for a very long time and it's been working really great" He didn't say anything, he just nodded

"Derek you better than anyone know that I love them. I really do, but only when they're far away from me. I don't even want them near the kids, telling them what to do or how they have to act because they are a part of the Forbes Montgomery family… Trust me, I spent my whole childhood near them and it's not something I want for my own children"

"Addie, we would be there for a weekend... just two days… I'm sure they'd be happy if we visited" He looked at her with his McDreamy eyes, Addison knew he was right.

"Can we talk about this later? It's not like I'm having this baby right now" Derek simply laughed

"You know we can't avoid them forever"

"We can try" She kissed him now

"Addie… You know we were gonna go there anyway… And we would have to tell them eventually"

"I know… But just for today, forget about my parents and let's just be happy for this… Please?"

"What do you have on your mind Dr. Shepherd?" Derek teased her

"I'll check if the kids are sleeping and I'll tell you"

xx

The next morning was a quite normal morning in the Montgomery-Shepherd house. They made breakfast for the children and got ready to go to work and start a new day. When they were about to leave, they heard the doorbell. They imagined it'd be Sam, he was the only person who could go there at that hour. But when Derek opened the door with Katie next to him, they realized that it wasn't Sam, it was his little sister instead.

"Auntie Amy! I've missed you!" Katie exclaimed excited when she saw her aunt standing at the door. Surprisingly, Amelia was her favourite aunt

"Amy, what are you doing here? It's just 7am; I can't deal with you this early" Derek told her after he saw her.

"Hey Katie! Come and give your favourite auntie a kiss" The girl obeyed her aunt "That's my girl!" Then he turned back to her brother "Nice to see you too" All of them walked into the living room, where Derek sat on the couch and Katie went to tell her mother and her brother that Amelia was there

"What do you want Amy?"

"Can you just stop being a moron for just one minute and listen to me as the adults we are?"

"I'll try my best"

"Okay, the thing is... mom called" She simply said. Derek knew Carolyn wouldn't call just to know how they were doing

"Is there everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, they're all okay"

"So, what did she want?"

"Now you're interested, aren't you?" She teased her brother and continued "The thing is that she and Nancy are coming to LA"

"What! Why would they come here? And why would she call you?"

"That's funny; I asked her the same thing… Apparently, she wants to make sure that I'm not screwing up with my life again… And she also wants to see you and her grandchildren… Oh, and Nancy is gonna come just to bother us, you know how annoying she can be"

"Okay" Derek was trying to deal with this. He didn't expect his mother and his other sister there, he wouldn't want that, not right now "Okay so, when are they coming?" He asked Amelia

"Well, they're coming tomorrow by this time. One of us has to pick them up at the airport and you can bet your ass it won't be me" Amelia smiled sarcastically "And now if you'd excuse me, I wanna see my nephew and my sister-in-law… Oh and if I were you, I'd be booking an hotel for their stay"

"What's wrong with them staying here?"

"Gosh, to be a brain surgeon sometimes you seem brainless… You know she loves the kids but she can't stand Addison. We all know it, you know it and even Addison knows it. They'd probably kill each other if they spent a night in the same place… So, book an hotel for your mother and your very old sister if you don't wanna see a cat fight between them"

"Thanks for telling me that, Amy" He snorted, sarcastically. He was glad that Amelia told him about this but she could have helped him with this as well.

"Don't thank me … Mom's coming"

"Yeah… Mom's coming" He repeated to himself


	8. Wouldn't Change a Thing

**A/N** Thank you again for your reviews! And to **BadassGenius** for beta-read :)

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"_None of us knows what the next change is going to be, what __unexpected __opportunity is just around the corner, waiting a few months or a few years to change all the tenor of our lives._"

Later that day, Derek had been working all day at the hospital and was about to go back to the practice to talk to Addison since he hadn't told her about his mother coming to visit. He knew they hated each other and that would have never changed, not even in this crazy new life. Carolyn had always told her son that he didn't need to be with Addison. In fact, she really loved Meredith for being the opposite of Addison.

As soon as he finished a surgery and finished checking his post-ops, he went back to the practice to see his other patients. But before going to his office, he went straight to his wife's office, who seemed to be alone there without any patient.

He opened the door and there she was, looking gorgeous as always, sitting behind her desk checking something in her computer. In the moment she looked at her husband, a smiled appeared on her face.

"Hey" She said with a smile on her face while Derek planted a kiss on her forehead "I haven't seen you since we left the house" She completed while Derek and she went to sit next to each other on the couch of her office.

"Yeah, it's been one of those days… I've been working at the hospital, I lost a patient… My next patient should come in 20min" He admitted to his wife while she immediately held his hand.

"I'm so sorry about your patient" She knew how Derek got easily attached to every patient. That was what made him the great surgeon he was and every time he lost a patient, it really affected it.

"It's okay, Addie" He said smiling, he loved when Addison was there for him for this kind of things. "Anyway, how are you feeling?" He asked Addison, barely smiling.

"I'm feeling great" She told Derek with a glowing smile "Actually, I was about to call you before you came here, since I'm having my first ultrasound right after Naomi finishes with her patients. So, I was hoping you would come with me"

"That's great, Addie! Of course I'm gonna be there! I wouldn't miss the chance to see our baby for the first time" He happily exclaimed.

"Thank you" She replied

"Addie, I wanted to tell you something" He knew this was a bad moment to tell her about Carolyn but it was now or never

"Wait, this is not one of yours 'I kissed my ex-girlfriend' conversation, right? Because if that's the case, I don't wanna know, at least not right now… What the hell is wrong with you? We're talking about out baby here, for God's sakes!" She told him, knowing she had no idea what was Derek gonna tell her

"Addison" He stated, knowing she was overreacting but he couldn't blame her, she was pregnant and so her reaction was pretty normal in her conditions.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to- what do you wanna tell me anyway? But seriously, this is not that kind of conversation? Because I can't deal with that same thing in less than forty-eight hours"

"Addison… Can you just let me talk? Please?"

"Sorry" She apologized, laughing, knowing she was acting childish

"Remember that Amy came to the house in the morning because she needed to tell me something important?"

"Yes, Katherine told me" She admitted, remembering what Derek was saying

"Katherine?" He asked curious

"Katherine Beatrice Montgomery-Shepherd, Derek… Your daughter, remember?" She snorted, sarcastically, and rolled her eyes

"Right, Katie!" He said embarrassed "Why did we name her after Bizzy? I mean, you hate her" He asked curiously again but Addison just slapped his arm

"Look, can we just talk like normal people? I'm just gonna ignore the fact that you've just actually asked me your own daughter's name" At this point she was getting used to Derek's weird behaviour

"Sorry" He told her and continued "She wanted to tell me- tell us" He corrected "That Nancy and mom are coming tomorrow to visit and see the children" He finally confessed.

"Seriously? To visit? I think you mean to check on us and to make sure I'm making your life miserable and tell me for the thousand time that I am not as good mother as her! That's all she wants"

"Addison, you're not making my life miserable and you're a terrific mother…You make me the happiest men alive, you need to understand that" He reassured his wife, getting closer to her and looking at her straight in the eyes

"Well, your mother doesn't think so" She simply answered, arching an eyebrow

"Since when do you hate my mom this much? I remember you used to love her" He asked curiously, remembering the good years of their marriage

"That was before you confessed me her hate towards me and she repeatedly said that I'm not raising her grandchildren just like she raised her five kids"

"She also says that to all of my sisters… Come on babe, give her a chance she and Nancy will be here just for a couple days" He tried to calm her down, he knew that they weren't able to avoid them, so they needed to be ready

"Nancy is not the one I have problems with"

"Addie…Just be nice, please?" He begged her, with his particular smile all over her face.

"I am always nice, she's the one who needs to be nice" She counteracted, knowing she was being childish. She checked her blackberry "Now can we just go to the exam room? Naomi is waiting for us"

"Sure" He wasn't too convinced about Addison's reaction, he was hoping that in this glimpse Addison and Carolyn wouldn't hate each other, but it wasn't a surprise for him noticing that it hadn't changed. While he was walking next to Addison to go to the exam room, Derek couldn't help but remember the day his mother met Addison

**FLASHBACK, 1993**

After a long afternoon spent with Derek's family they all seemed to like Addison. Derek's sisters immediately loved her, even Amelia who was still a kid confessed that she liked her better than her own brother. They were all excited about Derek's girlfriend, she came from a wealthy family from Connecticut, she was a very polite girl and seemed to be familiar, she was absolutely amazing. Carolyn Shepherd was also there with her children, it had been a long time since they were all together since almost all of them were going to the medical school

Since Derek arrived that day with this girl, Carolyn was with them all the time trying to get to know this girl his son had being talking about all the time. She immediately noticed that she was nervous as it was expected, knowing the family of her boyfriend was a huge step in their two-years relationship.

After everyone went to bed and after noticing that Addison was already sleeping, Derek decided to go downstairs to find her mother who was in the kitchen. He wanted to know her opinion about Addison

Carolyn was in the kitchen, just like he thought. She was drinking an hot chocolate there by herself, enjoying that after that long day everything was quiet again in the house.

"You want some company?" Derek asked his mother

"Of course, come here" She answered, smiling while Derek was also getting a cup of hot chocolate and sat next to her. Carolyn really missed to have all her children together again with her

"It's been a really long day, huh? Don't tell them that I've said that, but I missed my sisters, they're annoying sometimes but I miss us living all together"

"I won't tell them, I promise" She said, putting a hand on her son's shoulder "I miss you too… But you're all grown-ups and soon-to-be doctors, I couldn't be more proud of all of you"

"Thanks mom"

"So, today's been a really long day, huh?" Carolyn quoted her son as he nodded "By the way, where's Addison?" She asked curious

"She fell asleep as soon as she saw the bed, she really loved all of you guys" He admitted very proudly of his girlfriend

"That's great. She seems to be a nice girl" Carolyn confessed

"Do you really think so? Because I kinda wanted to talk to you about her" He told his mom, he really wanted to know her opinion, since he lost his father, her mother was his everything and he really cared about what she thought.

"Well, as I said she seems to be a really nice girl and you guys seem to have fun together"

"Yeah, but it's not only that kind of relationship"

"What do you mean?" She questioned her son.

"Well, I love her mom. She makes me feel like no one has ever made me feel before, she makes me happy… She's the one, she's the woman I want to share the rest of my life with, I wanna marry her" He confessed to his mother, expecting to get her blessing

"Honey, you haven't been dating for that long, you have a career to think about… You are young, a marriage is not as easy as it looks like"

"I'm thinking about my career. I will be the best neurosurgeon in this country… But I want Addison in every step of the way next to me, we would be great together"

"Derek, you're not thinking, trust me, you don't wanna get married yet"

"I do, mom… I am thinking. I want Addison to be my family, when I'm not with her I miss her so much, I can not explain how much I love her"

"Sweetie, I hate to say this but she's not the right girl for you"

"What do you mean?" Derek asked surprisingly, he thought his mother would love her

"I've spent an entire day with her, she doesn't even know how to cook, she's rich and pretentious. I heard her family is one of the wealthiest ones in Connecticut… She's not one of us, you need someone who can take care of you… Probably that girl doesn't even take care of herself"

"Mom, she's not like her family. Yes they are wealthy but she's different… She's the first girl I've ever brought to the our house, my sisters love her… Does that mean an anything to you?"

"Sweetie, I know what is right for you and she's not"

"I thought you said she seemed a nice girl"

"And maybe she is, but she's not like us… She's the kind of person who would eventually hurt you and I don't wanna see you like that"

"You don't even know her mom. She's lovely, she was really nervous to meet you, not my sisters, you… She's the sweetest girl you'd ever know and if you don't want her to be a part of my life, of this family… Well, too bad, I'm gonna ask her to marry me anyway, maybe tomorrow, maybe in a month, maybe in a year… But that girl will be my wife… So you would have to start to like her because she's gonna be your daughter-in-law very soon"

"Okay, Derek. I didn't mean to sound like that… I'm sorry, okay? I just want the best for you"

"She is the best for me. I would never find someone better than her, that person doesn't exist" He stood up, he didn't like to fight with his mother but he really needed to clear things up "Now if you excuse me I'm going to my room to check on my girlfriend… Goodnight mom" He kissed her on the forehead but she didn't answer

He went upstairs back to his room and couldn't stop thinking about his mother's words, since the moment he met Addison he had always thought she was the kind of girl his mother would love.

He walked to the room and laid down next to Addison, as soon as she noticed he was there she barely opened her eyes and turned to his side of the bed

"Where were you? I missed you by my side on the bed"

"I was talking to my mom" He admitted

"What about?" She asked very curious

"About you… She loves you" He lied, he couldn't just tell her girlfriend that his mother disliked her.

"Thanks God… I was afraid she wouldn't"

"Why would someone not like you? You're the sweetest person I know… You know I love you, right?"

"I do but I like when you refresh my mind saying it… I love you too Derek"

**END OF FLASHBACK**

"Derek… Derek?" Addison repeated, while she was on the stirrups

"Sorry… I was thinking… Anyway, are you ready?"

"Of course I am"

"Okay you two. Addie I don't need to tell you that this might be a little cold" Naomi cleared before starting, while Derek was holding Addison's hand looking at the small screen.

"I can't believe we're here again" Addison admitted to Derek while Naomi was smiling, looking at the monitor too.

"I know, it's unbelievable" He told Addison, it was actually the first time for him so he was extra excited about this

"Here's your baby… It's still hard to see it because it's too little but I think you are both able to see the baby"

"Oh my God, it's there, Derek" She whispered, with tears in her eyes, she was very happy about this, so was Derek

"Well, Addie you're six weeks or so… Here, this the heartbeat" The were all quiet while listening the heart rhythm. Addison and Derek couldn't help but smile, they were really happy for this

"I love you so much Addie" He kissed her, still holding her hand and admiring the image on the screen. He could barely think that all this might disappear one day

xx

That night they went back to their house. The Shepherds were all together, they just finished dinner and now they were with the children getting them ready to sleep. They were in the kids' room.

"Children, there's something your mom and I want to tell you" Derek told them while Addison was standing next to him

"Tell us!" Christopher shouted excited, hoping that his parents would tell them that they were gonna buy him and his sister more toys

"Well, remember that last Christmas you said you wanted to have a baby brother or sister?" Addison asked them, smiling.

"Yes! I told you I wanted a little sister to play with" Katie told her patents as she stood up of her little bed.

"Well, your mom is gonna have a baby in few months. So you'll have a little brother or sister" He told his kids sitting next to them

"That's great daddy! I can't wait to know the baby! I would take care of her of him! I will be its big sister" Katie exclaimed, hugging her mother. She was very happy to get to be a big sister

"Why do we have to wait that long? Why can't the baby come right now?" Christopher asked

"Yeah, I don't wanna wait so long" Katie added

"Well, the baby needs to grow up before we all meet him or her"

"I can't wait to be a big sister, I'm tired to be the baby of the family" Katie told her parents and they immediately laughed, they were happy the kids loved the idea

"We're all wanna meet the baby, sweetie, but I promise, in a few moths the baby will be here" Addison announced.

"Now, there's another thing we want to tell you" The children stayed quiet again just for one second "Grandma Carolyn and Auntie Nancy are coming tomorrow morning to see you"

"I miss grandma! She hasn't come since Christmas" Christopher told his parents

"And Auntie Nancy is very funny! I miss her too" Katie completed "Can we tell them about the baby?" She asked

"No, you can't… It's a surprise, okay? Mommy and daddy are the only people who can tell them about that, so please try not to tell them at least not before we've actually told them… Promise?" Addison said to her kids

"It's a promise" Both kids said at the same time

After a while and lots of questions from the children, Addison and Derek were finally in their room. It had been a long day for both of them and they knew the next one would have been even longer. When they were about to sleep, Addison's phone started to ring. She checked the screen and saw Archer's name on it so she decided to take the call, thinking it might be something important

"Archer is almost midnight here, what do you want?" She asked with Derek next to her, trying to know what Archer wanted

"_Bizzy is in LA, I think you should know_" Archer admitted

"What? Why? She hates the west coast" She responded, Derek had no clue what Addison was talking about

"_Well, I might have told her that you're pregnant_"

"Damn it, Archer! I told you that I would tell her eventually, you didn't have to tell Bizzy"

"_Addison, she's Bizzy., I can't lie to her… I just wanted you to know before she surprises you… Bye-bye sis_"

After Archer hung up, Addison was speechless; she could barely deal with the idea of her mother-in-law visiting but now also her mother? It seemed like a real torture for her

"Is there everything okay, Addie?" Derek asked her curious

"I hate my brother, I hate my brother so much" She admitted to her husband

"Join the club" Derek laughed but Addison just looked at him "I'm sorry… What did he want?"

"Yesterday, before you came here I called him and I told him about the baby… So he told Bizzy and now she's in LA"

"Wow" He simply said

"I know! Now not only I have to deal with you mother, now I have to deal with mine too" She was getting desperate "Can we just stay here all day and ignore our mothers?"

"Addie, this is a good thing. If they're coming the same day that would be all… We won't have to deal with them later… All we have to do is survive tomorrow and we will be perfectly fine, okay?"

"You promise?" She asked him

"I do" He promised, he knew that it wouldn't be an easy day but if they were able to survive both Bizzy and Carolyn they would be able to get through anything. All they had to do was to remember they were there for each other and that wouldn't change, or at least not in that moment.

The day after both Shepherds took the day off, even though they would rather work, they had to be there. Very early in the morning Derek, Amelia and the children went to the airport to pick their mother and their sister up, while Addison stayed at home waiting for her own mother. When she heard the door bell she knew it was Bizzy. Before opening the door she took a deep breath "_This is gonna be a really long day_" She said to herself, getting ready to deal with her crazy family

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**A/N** Next Chapter: Bizzy and Carolyn together! Please review


	9. You Drive Me Crazy

**A/N **Hey guys! I'm sorry it took me more than one week to update this, it's been ready since a while but my laptop stopped working... But here's the new chapter and I hope you like it... Thanks again to **BadassGenius** for beta-read and being amazing at it and to you guys for your awesome reviews :)

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_"To get through the hardest journey we need take only one step at a time, but we must keep on __walking__"_

Since the moment they woke up, both Addison and Derek Shepherd had known it was gonna be a long day for all of them. Early in the morning Derek, Amelia and the kids picked Carolyn up at the airport even ifshe insisted that she would take a cab, Derek and Amelia went there anyway.

Meanwhile, Addison was at her house with Bizzy who got home early when Derek wasn't there, so Addison had to deal with her mother by herself for a couple of hours. They were in the kitchen together, and Addisonimmediately gave Bizzy a glass of gin because she wouldn't function without it.

"So, your brother told me you had something important to tell me" Bizzy admitted with the glass in her hand

"That was all he told you?" she asked curious. As Bizzy nodded, Addison realized that she wanted to kill Archer with her own hands "He didn't mention anything at all? Like anything?"

"Addison you're not making any sense, dear" Bizzy told her daughter, she was starting to confuse her.

Before Addison could say anything, they heard Derek and the children. They hadjust came back with Carolyn. Addison immediately stood up and Bizzy stayed in the kitchen finishing her glass of Gin.

"Hey honey" Derek quickly kissed her wife on the lips, she noticed that Carolyn was behind Derek with Katie in her arms

"Addie" Carolyn greeted her daughter-in-law

"Mrs. Shepherd, how have you been?" Addison greeted politely

"Mrs. Shepherd? If I remember correctly you used to call me mom" Carolyn reminded

"Things change" Addison simply answered and Carolyn didn't say anything. Derek went near his wife and whispered to her ear "Addie, please be nice. You promised" She simply nodded

"So, where's Nancy?" Addison asked Carolyn, she saw Amelia was there with Christopher but she hadn't seen Nancyyet

"She couldn't come, she had an emergency surgery last night.. But it's okay, I gave birth to 5 doctors, I'm already used to it" Carolyn admitted with a smile.

"Granny, I wanna be a doctor like mommy and daddy!" Katie completed her grandmother's words, Carolyn just laughed

"Of course sweetie, you will be an excellent doctor like your daddy and your aunts" Carolyn told her youngest grandchild

"Where is she? She's not coming?" Derek asked Addison while Carolyn was talking to Katie

"She's in the kitchen" She whispered to her husband's ear.

They all went to the living room while Addison went to find Bizzy to join to the Shepherds

"Bizzy!" Derek exclaimed "I haven't seen you in a while, you're looking great" Derekhad always had a good relationship with her and Addison hated that

"Thank you dear" She simply answered

"I guess you remember my mother and my sister Amy" Amelia immediately greeted Bizzy, she liked her as well. Even if she knew that Bizzy made Addison's life miserable, with them Bizzy had always been very nice.

"Carolyn" She greeted coldly, she knew Carolyn had never liked her family, including her own daughter, so there was no reason to try to be nice

"Bizzy, what brings you here?" Carolyn asked curious. She didn't like Bizzy, one of the reasons why she didn't like Addison was for being rich and pretentious, so she was completely sure that she got all of it from Bizzy

"Well, one of the foundations I support is here in California, so I decided I could use some time to see my daughter"

"Kids ain't you gonna say hi to Grandma Bizzy?" Amelia whispered to her nephew and her niece

" Hey grandma Bizzy" The kids finally greeted Bizzy while they were both sitting next to Amelia

"Children, you don't need to call me grandma. I've told you that" Bizzy told the children

"You already have one of those anyway" Carolyn completed

"What does that exactly mean?" Bizzy slapped

"Nothing, it's just that you don't even like that your own children call you mother, it's not a surprise that you don't like to be called Grandma"

"And that would be a problem because...?"

"Oh no, I'm completely okay with that..." Carolyn admitted with a little laugh

Bizzy noticed Katie was sucking her own finger

"Katherine dear, don't do that.. It'll ruin your teeth eventually"

"Sorry, Bizzy" The girl apologized, taking out the finger off her mouth

"Bizzy, she's 3-years-old" Addison told her mother

"Addison, you had been to the dentist once a week for two years when you were a child because you used to do the same thing at her age... Excuse me for not wanting the same formy grandchild" Bizzy admitted to Addison, she just gave her a look.

"Now she's your grandchild?" Carolyn asked sarcastically

"Excuse me, I'll be right back" Addison excused herself and stood up, she wasn't feeling good

"I'll get more Gin" Bizzy said on her way to the kitchen

"Did I say something wrong?" Carolyn asked Derek

"Oh no, mom.. Don't worry. It'll get more awkward, that's actually the bright side of Bizzy" Amelia laughed.

"Amy!" Derek exclaimed

"Filter?" She asked.

"Exactly!... Mom, I'm going upstairs with Addison for a minute" Derek told his mother

"Sure, Amelia and I'lljust stay here with the children"

Derek went upstairs to his room trying to find Addison. He noticed she was in the bathroom hugging the toilet

"Addie, are you okay?" She turned back to him, still hugging the toilet, looking terrible

"What do you think Derek?" She asked sarcastically

"I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry for the morning sickness. If it was up to me it'd be the one throwing up"

"You should! But that's not why I'm like this. I knew they would be like this, they've nevergotten along and now it's like they hate each other even more" Addison confessed

"Addie, we both knew this wouldhappen. I know they're really annoying, but we need to stay together to get over this day, I need you to get up and help me to deal with our mothers" He helped her to get up, hugged her and kissed heron the forehead "I promised you we will be okay after today" he admitted and she nodded "Are you feeling better now?" He asked her, looking at her

"Yeah, I guess so... Thank you" She smiled at him

Meanwhile, Bizzy, Amelia, Carolyn and the children were in the living room, all very quietly until Amelia's pager started to ring. She looked at it and decided to ignore it

"Aren't you gonna take it?" Carolyn asked her daughter

"No, it's okay... I'm taking the day off and it's not like I'm the only neurologist in this city"

"You're one of the best, Amy. You should go, I'm okay here with Derek and the kids, now go and save a life sweetie" She kissed her daughter on the forehead

"Thanks, bye mom... Bizzy" She told them and left, a part of her had wanted to leave since the day started because she knew she wasn't as strong as Addison to deal with these two women, she was actually relieved that she got to leave

"Bizzy, where's granpha? Why didn't he come with you?" Christopher asked

"Can we call him granpha, right?" Katie asked and Carolyn just laughed about it

"Of course you can, dear. He stayed in Connecticut, he's working. Remember when you went there last year?"

"Yeah, it was snowing when we went there... It was fun" Christopher told Bizzy

"What is taking Addison and Derek so long?" Carolyn asked while she was reading a magazine

"I don't know" Bizzy answered her

"They have a surprise for you" Katie told them

"Really? What surprise honey?". Carolyn asked her granddaughter

"We're not suppose to tell them Katie! Remember? Mommy and daddy told us not tell anybody" Christopher reminded his little sister

"It's not like I told them that mommy's having a baby" Katie said, shrugging,and both Bizzy and Carolyn were surprised to hear it from the children.

Right after Katie hadtold them, Addison and Derek went back to the living room to join them. They were all very quiet, even the children.

"Sorry it took me so long, I wasn't feeling good" Addison admitted. Bizzy and Carolyn looked at each other, realizing that the little girl wasn't lying about their parents having another baby

"Where's Amy?" Derek asked

"She had an emergency surgery at the hospital and she had to go" Carolyn admitted "But it's okay, Bizzy and I are having fun talking with the children"

"Really? What were you talking about?" Derek asked very curious

"When you were gonna tell us that we're gonna have another grandchild?" Bizzy asked him as Carolyn nodded agreeing with Bizzy

"What- Who told you that?" Derek asked and immediately looked at the children

"Can we go to our room daddy?" Christopher asked his dad trying to go so he wouldn't be mad about it

"Yes sweetie and please take your sister with you" Addison answered instead of Derek. The children left leaving the grown-ups alone. Addison and Derek sat next to each other in the couch in front of their mothers

"Yes, I am pregnant Bizzy. We found out few days ago... We were gonna tell you eventually, I guess the children couldn't keep it away from you" Addison told them while Derek was holding her hand

"Do you realized that you are a 40-years-old woman and it's a high risk pregnancy?" Bizzy asked, skeptical.

"Actually I didn't know that, thanks for telling me Bizzy. It's not like I'm not an Obstetrician or anything like that!"

"Addie, she's just telling you that because we're concerned about you and the baby... Bizzy's right, you're not that young anymore. You two should have thought about it before decidingto have another baby" Carolyn clarified.

"Exactly, thank you Carolyn..."

"Wait, are you two really telling me that I'm too old to have a baby? Do you think Derek and I planned this? We already have two children and the possibility for me to get pregnant was about one in a million! The ones who should think before acting are you two-"

"Addie-" Derek tried to calm her down holding her hand

"Since when they are best friends?" She said lower so neither Bizzy or Carolyn cold hear her

"Addison is right, we do know the risks and we didn't plan to have this baby but it happened and we love it already. In case you are wondering it is perfectly fine and healthy, we could hear its heartbeats and it was amazing... Addison and I couldn't be any happier about it, the kids loved the idea that they're gonna have a little baby to play with and even our friends are happy for us. The only thing you should do is be happy that you are having another grandchild... Is there any other thing you want to know about it?" Derek told them, he had always been able to handle both Bizzy and his mother. He was always polite in front of them but if they weredriving Addison crazy he chose to be rude at them

"I actually do" Carolyn started "This time are you completely sure it's Derek's child, right? Because let's face it, the first time you weren't exactly sure, remember?"

"What are you talking about mom? Have you seen Christopher?" Derek questioned his mother, he didn't know about this brand new information about his past. Could Christopher not be his?

"I know he looks exactly like you. We obviously realized it was yours right after he was born, I just wanna be sure"

"I can't believe you told your mother about that" Addison told Derek

"Should I say that I'm proud of my daughter?" Bizzy said sarcastically since she didn't know about any of this "I'm going upstairs to lay down for a while" She simply walked away from this conversation. It was too much information for her to deal with and before she'd say something she shouldn't, the woman decided to walk away. After all she was a Forbes, she couldn't just loose her mind in front of them, she would just pretend nothing was happening

"I'm gonna check the kids" Carolyn added soshe also walked away.

Right after Carolyn and Bizzy left the room Derek and Addison stayed there, he had a lot of doubts now and he needed to ask Addison

"Why did you tell her? I thought we agreed that we wouldn't tell anything if he turned out being yours" She asked with tears in her eyes, lately her hormones had beentaking all the emotions of her body

"I- I don't know... Can you just tell me what happened back then? I think a part of me simply deleted those memories" He really wanted to know

"I wish I could do that... Remember back in Seattle about 6 years ago, we were about to get a divorce and we were starting to move on with our lives... With other people" He nodded, apparently that memory hadn't changed. He clearly remembered that after the Prom he got together with Meredith while Addison was with Mark, then they got a divorce and few months later she moved andhe never saw her again

"Well the day of the meeting with the Attorney I found out I was pregnant with Christopher... And we weren't sure if he was yours or- or if he was-" She admitted with tearsin her eyes, she couldn't even finish her sentence

"And then I decided to give us one more try and start over in a new city" Addison nodded. She had never thought they would have to discuss this ever again.

"Was he okay with it? I mean, what if it would've been his? Sorry for asking, if you don't wanna talk about it you don't have to"

"You don't remember anything, don't you? He was with us during the pregnancy, in every single step of the way but at the end the baby was yours" She started to cry again "In the moment I first saw him and I saw your eyes in him it was pretty obvious... I'm-I'm sorry Derek, for everything"

"He's ours, they're all ours, Addie... That was a long time ago, in a point in our lives when we thought we were over and we were freaking wrong" He ran his fingers through Addison's hair making her smile "Telling it to my mother was a huge mistake, I'm sorry about that. I promised you we were gonna be okay... I'll talk to them, my mother shouldn't have said what she said"

"No, I wanna talk to them... Thank you Derek, thank you for being you"

"Shut up" They both laughed "Come here, I love you Addie. Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?"

"Yes I'm sure"

xx

She went to the kids' bedroom and Carolyn was there with them. Ss soon as she noticed Addison she lifted her sight and looked at her

"Mrs. Shepherd, can I talk to you for a second?" Addison asked from the door

"Sure" She turned back to the children "I'll be back in a few okay?" They simply nodded, both women left the room.

"Mrs. Shepherd, I know you and I haven't-" Addison started but Carolyn interrupted her

"No Addie, I'd like to say something first" She said very clear so the only thing Addison could do was to nod "I guess it's not a surprise that we don't exactly have a good relationship, through the years I've really wanted you to like me, I really have... You and myson seem to be happy after all-"

"Mrs. Shepherd, I-"

"Addison, please. Let me finish., I know you've always wanted to impress me... But you really don't need to, all I really care is that you make my son happy and I should be happy for that. You have given me two wonderful grandchildren, you're raising them in your own way, even though sometimes I do not approve some things, you and Derek are doing a great job, they're really sweet children... And I also wanted to apologize for my comment, I didn't mean to sound like that. I was way out of line"

Addison was surprised, Carolyn never actually talked to her unless she had to or when she was criticizing her parenting

"What I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry if most of the times I am rude to you. I guess I wanted the perfect woman for my son, you might not be perfect but you're doing a pretty good job Addie, really"

"Thank you Mrs. Shepherd, you have no idea how much it means to me that you're finally telling me this"

"You are welcome Addison, I'm sure as a mother you understand that I've always wanted the best for my children"

"I do understand you, I wouldn't want my son with someone like me either" Addison confessed to her mother-in-law "But what Derek and I have is strong, we both have done a lot of mistakes in the past but right now we're really over all that"

"I've always known that. I mean when he's not with you he's different. Since the day I first met you I've known that" Addison simply smiled, now that Carolynwas telling her that, she felt a lot better "Now if you don't mind I'll go back with the children, they were asking me abouttheir aunts and cousins"

"Sure, they really love you, you know"

"Yeah, I know they do, they're really sweet children... I'm sure this one willbe just like them" The fact that Carolyn for the first time was being nice toher meant a lot to Addison

"Thank you" She smiled "I should go find Bizzy" Addison Carolyn went back with her grandchildren and Addison went downstairs and noticed thatBizzy was outside, watching the beach sitting there with Derek

"I'll go to see my mom... It was nice to see you Bizzy" After Derek went into the house, Addison and Bizzy stayed outside

"Are you going already?" Addison asked her mother

"I came with the garden club, you know I support them. They're gonna do some activities today and they want me to be there" Bizzy admitted

"What were you and Derek talking about?" Addison asked curious

"Nothing really"

"Bizzy, I want to explain to you what Mrs. Shepherd said, I-"

"You don't, you don't have to explain anything. You're acting just like I taught you and your brother... You're a Forbes Montgomery, we don't discuss our problems"

"I know we don't, we pretend nothing happens and we talk about flowers. But it felt like you weren't-"

"Addison, I came here to see you. But don't push it... I'm very glad you have a nice family of your own, your children remind me a lot of you and Archer" Addison just smiled with Bizzy's nice complimets "I better keep going, dear" Bizzy politely smiled to her daughter. In her own way Bizzy told Addison she was proud of her, though those words would never come out of Bizzy's mouth she really meant it. After hearing those words, Addison hugged her mother and even though she knew Bizzy wasn't counfortable with this, she didn't care.

"Sorry, I don't know why I did that... "

"Goodbye Addison and try to keep your good manners in front of that Carolyn woman"

"I'll try to"

Right after Bizzy left, Addison went back inside the house and saw Derek in the kitchen with a glass of scotch

"You're so lucky you can have a drink right now" She admitted to her husband considering the day they were having. He simply laughed about it

"I'm sorry you can't... Did she leave?"

"Yeah, she wasn't as bad as I thought she would be. Actually she told me that she was proud of us and the children" She noticed Derek's confused face "Well she didn't actually say that word but I know she meant it... Anyway why are you not with your mom?"

"She and the children seemed to be having a nice time... I didn't want to interrupt them"

"Really? You know she apologized for what she said?"

"Well, I've always told you she wasn't that bad as you thought..."

"Thank you for helping me to get pass this day"

They were proud the day was almost over. At first they thought they wouldn't get over the first hour. Carolyn and Bizzy weren't easy women but the Shepherds had been able to deal with their two particular mothers. It had been hard but they did it, eventually. They were strong enough to do that and have a nice ending for what they thought it would be one of the longest day of their lives.


	10. The Way it Ends

**A/N** Thank you guys for your reviews and to my amazing beta-reader BadassGenius

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_"You held me and taught me how, I think I am ready now. If this is the way it ends. This is the way it's meant to be"_

It had been months since the last time Derek thought about his regular life in Seattle, he had finally found the happiness he had always wanted, he had finally found the place where he belonged; so he decided not to bother to think that this wasn't his actual life because it felt just right and now after years of waiting, he felt complete

Right now, Addison was the most important person in his life. He loved her as much as he did when he married her. She had given him the most wonderful children in the world and she was about to have their third child, she was already showing, she was 24 weeks pregnant and they couldn't be any happier about it. He couldn't just imagine his life without them in the picture, not now that it felt right.

This day was really important for the Shepherds' marriage, they would finally find out the sex of their baby and they would be finally able to name it, weeks ago they agreed to name the baby Isabella if it was a girl or Michael if it was a boy; they couldn't wait any longer to find out. Addison was sure it was gonna be a girl but Derek had the feeling it would be a boy.

They arrived to a different practice, this time as patients, not as the world-class doctors they were. When they heard the nurse announced that Mrs. Addison Shepherd was the next, they both smiled and made their way to the exam room where Dr. Jamie Mulligan was waiting for them.

After a long talk with the OB/GYN, the doctor finally ran the ultrasound. Before Dr. Mulligan could say something, both Addison and Derek could see that they were having a girl. For Derek all of this seemed like a dream and he was absolutely sure he'd never want to wake up.

After their appointment, they went back to their practice. Right now they felt like the luckiest persons in the world, they couldn't help but be grateful for everything in their life. They went straight to the kitchen since Addison wanted to have cereal for breakfast before starting to see her patients and Derek just stayed there until she finished her breakfast.

While the Shepherds were there, Amelia also walked to the kitchen. She seemed annoyed, she saw her brother and her sister-in-law laughing in there, she wasn't comfortable with them together showing affection to each other, but she needed her daily cup of coffee to be able to make it until the end of the day.

"You two are just disgusting" Amelia told them while she was serving herself a cup of coffee "And you should start to treat your own patients since they've been keeping coming to my office since this morning asking me if I am the Dr. Shepherd they're looking for" She said turning back to Derek while Addison was just laughing about Amelia being annoyed to Derek

"Amelia, it's not his fault... First we're three Dr. Shepherds in this practice... And second, we just arrived here, we were at the appointment with my OB/GYN" Addison answered Amelia instead of Derek

"Oh, how was the appointment? How's the baby?" Amelia asked now excited, she loved being an aunt, she was always the favorite aunt; she practically forgot the fact the she was just being rude to her brother.

"Well if I were you I wouldn't be calling her just the baby. If I were you I'd say my baby niece" Derek proudly answered her sister

"Oh my God! You're having another girl? Another little Addie?" She asked very excited as Addison and Derek just nodded "That's just awesome! I knew it would be a little girl! Oh God I'm gonna be an aunt! Aunt Amelia" She exclaimed,hugging her sister-in-law

"Amelia, you're an aunt already" Addison cleared laughing of Amelia

"I know that but you know exactly what I meant" She was as excited as the married couple

"Amy, there's something Addie and I've been meaning to ask you since few weeks ago" Derek informed his little sister as she simply nodded

"We want you to be the Godmother of Isabella Montgomery-Shepherd" Addison completed her husband's phrase

"Of course! You don't even have to ask me! I've been waiting to be a Godmother since Chris was born! It's about time"

Before one of them could say something, Derek's phone started to ring. He recognized the number, it was the same who's been calling him since the day before. He simple decided to ignore it. He had a bad feeling about it and he chose not to pick up, at least not right now.

"Ain't you gonna pick up that call? It might be something important" Addison told him noticing that Derek had being ignoring his calls since yesterday

"No, because I'm with you and that's reason enough to ignore every single call... You know, I'd better go to my office before certain neurosurgeon starts to complain about it" He said looking at Amelia "I'll see you two later"

When Derek checked his phone again, he realized he had five missed calls from the same number. He decided to turn off his phone and start to treat his patient trying not to pay attention to this person calling him.

After few hours, he decided to leave the practice and go home early so he could spend more time with the children before Addison would come home. As soon as he got there, he gave the nanny the rest of the day off. When the children saw that their dad had gotten home early they were really happy, they loved when he did that.

"I missed you so much guys" Derek told his children while he hugged both of them

"Daddy you saw us in the morning before you and mommy went to work" Christopher cleared to his dad "It hasn't been that long" The black-haired boy completed

"I know but it just felt like forever" Derek answered Christopher "You didn't miss me at all?" He asked

"I did miss you, daddy! I want you and mommy to be here all the time with us" Katie told his dad

"Thank you my little princess, I wish your mommy and I could be here all day too"

"Daddy, you haven't called me little princess in ages! I like when you call me like that!" Katie said surprised

"Why wouldn't I do that? You will always be my little princess no matter what, okay?" He kissed his daughter and the smiley girl nodded.

"Dad, where's mommy?" Christopher asked

"She's at the hospital, she had an emergency surgery about two hours ago" Derek informed the little boy

"She should be resting, she needs to take care of her and the baby" Christopher told his dad, he was very protective over his mom, especially now

"Your mommy is okay buddy... She and the baby are just fine, but it's great that you want to take care of her and the baby"

"You always tell me that I have to take care of mom and Katie... And now of the baby too" Christopher admitted to his dad. Derek just smiled about it, he was proud of his little boy

"You know, why don't we all go out and get something for dinner before mommy comes back from work?" Derek asked his children

"Let's get Chinese food, it's mommy's favorite" Katie told his dad and brother

"Great idea, let's go"

Meanwhile, Addison was still at the practice. She hadn't heard from Derek since they arrived there, she quickly assumed he was at the hospital. A couple of hours later when she went back home she was surprised to find Derek already there. Normally, when they didn't go back together he'd always be the one who stayed up until the practice closed. Derek and the children were waiting for her to have dinner together, she couldn't expect more from her husband, the last few months he had been acting in a very strange way but lately he had just started to be the same person she remembered and she was really happy about it.

Right after they finished dinner, Addison went upstairs to tuck the children in while Derek stayed in the kitchen and decided to turn on his cell phone and noticed he had other six missed calls from the same number who had been calling him all day long.

But this time he decided to take the call, if this person had been insisting all day probably it was for something important. He finished drinking a beer he had in the refrigerator, went outside, sat in front of the beach and finally picked up this call.

"Dr. Shepherd" He answered his phone very curious

"Shep, you've finally decided to pick up your phone! I've been trying to contact you all day" Derek immediately recognized the voice of this person

"What do you want, Richard?" Derek simply asked, the last time Richard called him was the morning when he woke up next to Addison for the first time in years

"Don't be that rude, Shep! Tell me… how are Addie and the children?" Richard asked him

"They're completely fine! Addison's pregnant, we're having a girl" Derek informed Richard, trying to get him to not to call him again

"Seriously? Wow, you're really having a good time in there, aren't you?"

"I'm just gonna ask this again. What do you want, Richard?" Derek repeated his previous question "When I wanted to talk to you, you simply avoided me" he added

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that" Richard admitted "But now I'm here calling you, to be honest I thought it would take you longer to realize what you really want" He completed

"What do you mean? You know what? It doesn't matter because I don't have time for this, I have two children and a pregnant wife inside of that house to take care of"

"Yeah, about that... If I were you, I'd be enjoying every single minute I'm sharing with them"

"What- Oh no, no, no... You can't! Not now! Don't you dare to even think about it!" Derek said raising his voice, he was starting to get scared

"Derek, I'm sorry but you know this was just a glimpse"

"Don't even say it, Richard!" He yelled now "Don't you dare to say it!"

"Shep, you know that this wasn't-" Before he finished talking Derek interrupted him.

"Don't! Don't even bother to call me anymore, you'd waste your time!"

Before he could hear what Richard was gonna answer, Derek full of anger, threw his own phone to the beach. He didn't wanna get any other call from Richard, not ever. Probably he overreacted throwing his phone but it was the only way he thought Richard wouldn't get to call him again.

When he went back inside the house, he went upstairs, first he checked the kids' room. Chris was already sleeping but he noticed Katie was still half awake

"Daddy?" The little girl asked between yawns, Derek simply smiled at his daughter

"Go back to sleep, sweetie. Tomorrow we will spend all day together, okay? I promise" He told her, rubbing Katie's head

"Thank you Daddy, I love you" Katie said closing her eyes

"I love you too my little princess"

He left the children's room and went to his own bedroom, when he opened the door he realized Addison was there, already laying in the bed, rubbing her stomach with her left hand and reading a book, wearing her reading glasses.

"Hey" She greeted her husband as soon as she saw him "We were starting to miss you" She told him

"How's Isabella doing?" He asked while he was laying next to his wife on his side of the bed

"She's fine, though she's been moving a lot since I got here. I think it's because she misses her daddy" Addison told her husband, while he just smiled and kissed her on the lips

"What was that for?" She asked

"Nothing" He simply answer her "Addie, I need you to know that no matter what happens, no matter what the future holds for us, you'll always be my everything, you and the kids are my life and that will never ever change, no matter what" He admitted to his wife. She dropped the book she was reading and looked back at Derek

"Honey is everything okay? You're starting to scare me"

"No, don't be scared Addie, this is only me over talking... But I need you to promise me that you know I've been honest about us, about our life... I can't even picture my life without you and with our Chris, Katie and Isabella"

"You don't have to do that, we're not going anywhere honey" She said putting her arms around her husband

"Addie, I know that but please I need you to promise me that and never forget about it" Derek insisted

"Okay, Derek Christopher Shepherd. I promise you that I believe you and I won't ever forget about it because you're my whole life and I love you, okay?"

"Thank you, Addie"

"You're a very strange person, Derek"

"I know I am. Goodnight, Addie"

"Goodnight, honey"

Derek turned off the lights, kissed his wife and turned back until he fell asleep. He was proud he had had this little chat with Addison and he had no idea how meaningful that conversation would be for him.

The next morning he felt like he overslept, he checked the clock next to him and saw the time. It was 7am. It was already late for him but he just stayed in bed. With his eyes still closed he turned back to the other side of the bed but it was empty _"she must be downstairs"_ he thought but then he heard someone coming to the room. He was still half asleep so he didn't want to open his eyes, not just yet, he had never felt so sleepy in his whole life

"Der, is really late. You should get up" He heard a voice. When he opened his eyes, he realized his biggest fear had just come true, he was shocked and speechless

He tossed and turned, refusing to accept the reality. He knew what had just happened but he didn't want to give up on his life with Addison because he knew that he belonged with her, not with Meredith. Here he was a life he didn't want to live – not anymore.

"Meredith?" He asked, wanting this to be just a nightmare, but sadly for him it wasn't. His voice was rude and rough, his lips not curved in his usual dreamy smile.

"Derek, is your first day as the Chief of Surgery, you don't wanna be late"

After all, Richard was right even though at first he begged to have his life back now this was the last thing he wanted. He felt like he was about to go crazy, he couldn't just lose Addison and the children in one morning, he knew he needed to do something about it

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**A/N** Please don't hate me for ending here, I'll update soon... Please review


	11. The Best I Ever Had

**A/N** Hey guys! I wasn't gonna upload this chapter until next weekend but it practically wrote itself, I hope you like it as much as I do! Thank you so much for your lovely comments and to my beta-reader **BadassGenius** for being awesome and help me with this

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_"Now I know I messed up bad, you were the best I ever had. I let you down in the worst way, it hurts me every single day. Now I'm here to say I'm sorry and ask for a second chance"_

Since the moment he left Meredith's house, Derek could admit he was desperate. He didn't want this, this wasn't supposed to happen and there was no way that he could go back to where he was. When he arrived to Seattle Grace Hospital for the first time after months, everybody greeted him as the Chief of surgery but now, after everything he had lived and everything he had seen, he couldn't care less about this job, he needed Addison, he needed his family.

He was absolutely sure that the months he had spent with Addison weren't just a dream, he knew that it felt too real to be just a dream. He wished that he would have made the right choice when he had the chance. Nothing of this would be now happening.

The first thing he did that morning was cancelling all his surgeries, there was no way he could work that day, he felt dead inside. In the last months he learned that he didn't belong to Seattle, not anymore. When he walked to his new office, he didn't feel anything, normally he would have felt like the most important person in the world since being the Chief of Surgery was his dream but he didn't, he felt empty and there was nothing he could do about it.

He was just sitting behind his desk, very busy thinking about the previous day when he was living his dream, with Addison and their children, he couldn't stop thinking about his kids, about how intelligent they were and how excited they all were to meet the new baby; and now it was all gone in a blink. Since he was alone in his office he even allowed himself to cry, he felt really sad and angry. He didn't even notice that Mark just entered the office.

"Hey man, or should I say Chief?" Mark told him, sitting in front of his best friend. He quickly noticed that he wasn't paying attention to him because he seemed very focused on his own thoughts

"Mark, can we just talk later? Right now I'm not in the mood" Derek simply told him, trying to hide the fact he was crying

"Okay Mr. Chief of Surgery. I'm sorry to bother you" Mark replied sarcastically "I just wanted to ask you if you knew about Bizzy, Addison's mom" Mark completed

Derek had completely forgotten about it, but now he remembered the night before everything started. Bizzy just died, he couldn't believe he forgot about that fact, he was too busy thinking about the glimpse he had lived that he almost forgot his reality

"Uh yeah, I do... I talked to Addison... Last night, she told me about it" Derek said to Mark, trying to sound okay

"Are you okay? I mean, since yesterday when we were all at Joe's you are looking like shit" Mark asked, he had been Derek's best friend since they were kids and he knew Derek too well and he knew there was still something wrong

"My mother-in-law just died, I can't be all smiley Mark!" Derek admitted to his best friend

"Former, you mean" Mark corrected

"What?" Derek asked

"You said your mother-in-law, she was your former mother-in-law" Mark explained

"Right... Do you know where's Richard? I've been paging him and he doesn't answer and I really need to talk to him, it's urgent" Derek asked.

"That's because he's not at the hospital. Don't you remember he said about a week ago that he was gonna go on a trip with Adele? Seriously man, is it everything okay with you?" Mark insisted, he was starting to be worried about his friend

"No, it's not okay Mark... I'm not okay... And you know what? I can't be here, I need to go" Derek stood up and took his jacket

"Where are you going?" Mark asked surprised about Derek's strange behavior

"I'm going to Connecticut. I need to go there and I need to be there for Addison... You wouldn't understand it but I really need to be there" He confessed to Mark who couldn't believe what he was hearing

"Derek, it's your first day as the Chief of Surgery, you can't go anywhere... And if you already spoke to Addie yesterday, you don't need to go there, I'm sure Meredith wouldn't like it"

"I don't care about Meredith! I don't care about the job! I don't care about anything! I don't belong here... I just printed my resignation letter, it's there and it's signed! I also put you as the best for the job, so enjoy it! Now if you will excuse me, I have a plane to catch"

"I know you're not serious, you can't just go and leave everything you have! You're losing the best opportunity of your life" Mark tried to make Derek realize he was doing a mistake

"I already lost the best opportunity of my life letting go the woman I love... So please give the letter to the board, I need to be there for Addison" He confessed with a soft and breaking voice, he immediately left the office, leaving Mark alone there who he was still surprised about this. Mark checked the letter Derek told him about and it was there, Derek was serious with everything he said.

When he was walking through the halls to leave the hospital, he saw Meredith there, right now he didn't feel like talking to anyone but as soon as she saw him, she looked at him strangely, she knew Derek wasn't okay.

"Hey, where are you going? Do you have a surgery?" She asked Derek while checking a patient's chart

"No" He simply said, shaking his head "I'm going to Connecticut. I already booked my flight, the plane leaves in half an hour" He completed

"What? Why are you going there?" Meredith asked confused

"Meredith, Addison's mother died. You were there when she called, remember? That woman was like a second mother to me so the least I can do is going to her funeral!" Derek said to Meredith trying his best to not sound rude but he still did.

"This is just about Addison's mother? It has nothing to do with her, right? Because I heard when you called her and it seemed to be something beyond sending your respects" She asked curious, she was starting to get jealous

"I can't believe you're saying that! Whatever I said to Addison it's none of your business! She's been my wife for eleven years, we've been a family for over a decade. I told you that before you and I got back together! I'm going to a funeral for God sakes! I can't believe you're making such a big deal about it!" Derek protested

"I'm not making a big deal about it, Derek! You're the one who seems to be dead inside since this morning!"

"You have no idea what I've been through since this morning Meredith, so don't talk like you do!"

"So what? You just want me to be fine while you're going to another freakin' state to see your ex-wife? That's what you want?"

"I want a lot of things, Meredith. And I should have realized that earlier" He confessed

"What do you mean, Derek? What do you want then?" She asked, raising her voice

"You know what? I don't have time for this, as I told you, my plane leaves in a half hour"

"Fine Derek! Get out of here! Go and run away to your perfect ex-wife's arms, I'm sure she wouldn't mind to see you" Meredith exclaimed, furious.

Derek decided to simply ignore her, he needed to go and fighting with Meredith wasn't something he needed to do to make his day even better. So he chose only to turn back and leave, right now all he cared was finding Addison and even though he wasn't sure what he was gonna say to her, he needed to see her, at least just one more time.

He couldn't believe how much he had changed after the glimpse he lived, he could realize what he really wanted and that he was focusing on the wrong things, but thanks to this he finally realized what mattered and what didn't. It was still hard to believe that in just one night he lost his family, he lost his kids. When it all started he didn't know how he was gonna handle everything but now realizing that probably it won't ever happen again and that probably the thing he loved the most would never come true, facing his reality was the hardest thing he had ever done, he needed his life with Addison, he needed to make real what he saw in the glimpse.

After a long flight and a lot of thinking he finally arrived to the big-fancy Montgomery residence in Connecticut. When he was in front of the door ringing the door bell he simply took a sight, he had no idea what to do there, the only thing he was sure about was that he needed to be there.

He was really surprised when Addison herself opened the door, she looked very different than the last time he saw her on his own glimpse. She was wearing a black dress and had a drink in her hand, Derek simply smiled at her and right after he gave her a hug

"I'm so sorry, Addie" He managed to say

"Thank you for coming, Derek,. I'm sure she would appreciate it. Let's go to the living room, Archer and the Captain are there"

Derek remembered this house even better than his own, even though it had been years since the last time he went there, the place was exactly the same. After talking to Archer and the Captain and giving them his respects, he went outside where Addison was seated alone, he went there and sat next to her.

"I was really surprised when you called me" Derek admitted, he couldn't just take out of his mind the image of Addison, Katie, Christopher and him living all together as the perfect family and now he had to pretend it never happened

"It was the right thing to do, Bizzy loved you, you know?" She admitted with a sad smile on her face

"Yeah... We should have stayed in touch after the divorce Addison, I'm sorry we didn't" He confessed after he had a drink of scotch

"It's okay Derek, we both moved on, it's what people do... When I called you last night I wasn't sure you were gonna come"

"Well, I was sure you were gonna need all the support you can have. I know the effect this house makes on you"

"Thank you, Derek" She said as he looked at her with his particular McDreamy eyes

"Addison, there's something I've been meaning to tell you since the moment I saw you" He was finally ready to tell her how he felt, he knew that it wasn't the perfect day to talk about it but he couldn't wait any longer, he needed to tell her that he saw how their life together would turn out to be and that it would be amazing

Addison simply nodded, she was grateful to see Derek again, being there for her. Before she could say anything they both saw that some people had just arrived to the house. Addison's friends from LA were there now, they were gonna support their friend, they had been arrived earlier but they went to the hotel first.

Derek immediately recognized all of them, they were all part of the glimpse he lived. They stayed in the living room, but there was another person with them that Derek couldn't recognize, it was a tall-handsome- good looking Hispanic guy. Derek was intrigued to know how this guy was, surprisingly for him, this mysterious guy went where he and Addison were talking; joined by Amelia, she greeted her big brother. She hadn't seen him in a long time, but for Derek it was completely different. He just saw all these people the day before. The guy greeted Addison and she immediately introduced them

"Eric, this is my- Amelia's brother" She corrected herself "Derek Shepherd" Addison continued

"Derek, this is my- this is Eric Rodriguez" Both Derek and Eric shook their hands

"Nice to meet you, Derek" Eric said politely and then turned back to Addison "Addison, the Captain wanted you to go inside for a second to talk about the final details about the memorial service" He told Addison

"Wait honey, I'll be there in a few. Derek wanted to tell me something" Addison replied to Eric, looking at Derek

"Don't worry Addie, I can wait" Derek simply said seeing Eric and Addison

"Let's go, cariño" He told her mixing Spanish words, Addison had always loved that and he knew it would make her feel better

"What was that, Cariño?" Derek asked to Amelia mocking Eric, noticing Addison left holding hands with Rodriguez

"What? Rodriguez and Addison?" Amelia asked Derek, she didn't notice anything strange there, Derek simply nodded. "They have been together for few months now"

Listening to those words coming out from his sister's mouth made Derek's world fall apart, he didn't expect this.

"And you're okay with that Amelia?" Derek asked furious

"Why wouldn't I?" She asked confused, in the time she had been living with Addison, Derek never even bothered to ask for Addison

"She was married to me, Amelia. You shouldn't be okay with her being with someone else! I was hoping to talk to her about us, I've been thinking a lot about Addison and I.. I've realized she is the best I ever had, Amelia" He confessed to his little sister

"Okay I'm just gonna say this to you in the best way possible because I'm your sister and I love you... Are you freakin' kidding me? After everything you did to her, after the way you treated her and after the way you practically ignored her after you got divorced; you're expecting to talk her about you two? She has already found someone else, someone who really cares about her and someone who wouldn't hurt her like you did! The best thing you can do is step on a side and let her be happy with Rodriguez! He loves her and makes her feel special. You've realized your mistake too late, Derek"

Derek didn't say anything, he knew everything Amelia was saying was true, he knew that after all he had done he probably didn't deserve Addison, but he was there now. He went inside the house and noticed his phone was ringing, he was surprised when he saw it was Richard finally calling him back

"You screwed up my life!" Derek first said when he got the call

"_Nice to hear from you Shep_" Richard told him

"Look, I don't know how you change the things around my life! I don't know if you're God or if you're just driving me crazy, but you screwed my life, Richard! What's the whole point of this if she's with this other guy? Why didn't you just let me live my life? How I am supposed to move on after this mess, Richard? Tell me because I can't really think about something to help me to get up of the bed in the morning"

"_Here's the thing Derek. I didn't change anything, you saw what your life could have been if you had made different choices. I am not the one who made the decisions in your life. I am not the one who told you what to do, now you've realized what was what you really wanted and that it's different to your reality, I'm sorry but the only responsible of what's happening to you is yourself, no one else_"

Deep inside, Derek knew that Richard was right, he was the only person he could blame for this, this was the life he chose

"What I am gonna do, Richard? I can't just pretend I didn't live the most wonderful dream next to Addison, I can't just pretend that nothing ever happened" he confessed almost crying

"_You do the right thing, Derek, that's all you can do" Richard simply said but Derek didn't answer "Now I have to go Derek, and please don't try to call me again_"

Just right after he hung up the phone, he saw Addison again getting a glass of wine for herself

"You shouldn't drink that much" Derek warned her

"Bizzy wouldn't want it other way around" She confessed with a sad smile and took a sip of her wine.

"So... You and the Latino guy?" Derek asked her, she simply laughed and looked at him

"His name is Eric, Derek. I'm sorry I didn't mention him earlier"

"He seems fine, at least he seems better than your first husband" He joked

"I'll say they're very different,. Eric is a very nice guy, he makes me happy and I really love him, Derek" She confessed, having this conversation was very awkward for both of them

"So it's serious… this thing between you two?" He dared to ask

"Derek, this is not the time to talk about that" She avoided the question "Anyway, what was that thing you wanted to talk to me about?" She asked changing the subject of the conversation. Derek took a long breath before saying something

"I just wanted you to know that..." He looked at her straight in the eyes and simply smiled "That I'm going back to Seattle tomorrow after the funeral, I have a lot of things to do back there, I only wanted to make sure you're doing fine... And also, Bizzy was my family" He decided to listen to Amelia and Richard, Addison had finally found the guy she deserved and he couldn't just ruin that, he loved her too much and he wanted to see her happy, especially now that, even if she was trying to hide it, she was broken.

"Thank you, Derek. Thank you so much for being here, you're still my family and that would never change" She confessed hugging him

"Thank you, Addie" He said with his voice broken

"Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go to see how's the Captain's doing" She told him and he simply nodded

Derek went to the living room where Addison's friends were all together, he chose to sit next to Rodriguez, he was intrigued to know this guy

"I know you're the ex-husband, don't worry man, I'm okay with it" Rodriguez told Derek when he noticed him next to him

"Don't let her go, trust me, if you do you'll regret it for the rest of your life. She's the best you can ask for" Derek admitted, drinking his scotch.

"I won't.. Thanks for the advice, man" Rodriguez told him, he was also very intrigued to know Derek, he always listened to Amelia talking about her brother. Saying that, Rodriguez stepped up and went to find Addison.

"What were you and Rodriguez talking about?" Amelia asked sitting next to her brother few minutes later "You didn't do anything stupid, right?"

"No Amy, you were right. She is happy with him and there's nothing I can do, I had her and I lost her, she was my everything and I didn't know it until I lost her... All I want is her to be happy" He confessed to his little sister

"I'm sorry, Derek. I really am" she hugged her brother and since only the Shepherds' siblings were there he finally allowed himself to cry, he needed to let it out and her sister was the only person who wouldn't judge him.

He needed to be with Addison so badly, he needed to make his dream come true, but after all of this he wanted to see her happy and the only way he could do that was leaving and let her be happy with her boyfriend. There was nothing he could do. Like Richard told him, he was the one who chose his own life, he made this mess by himself and he felt terrible that he was realizing this when it was too late. After all, in the end, what we regret more are the chances we never took.

**A/N** So, Addison is now with Rodriguez, but don't worry this is an Addek story all the way. By the way, the next chapter would be the last one. Please review :)


	12. Taking Chances

**A/N** This is the last chapter of this story, I really wanna thank you all for reading this and especially for your reviews, that made me wanna write this story. I really hope you like it :)

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"_If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down."_

The very next day after Derek arrived in Connecticut was a very calm one. After the memorial service and the burial, everyone was gathered into the Montgomery house. Everyone there could feel the emptiness Bizzy had left after her sudden death. Derek was getting ready to go back to Seattle to figure out what to do with his life; in that moment he felt really selfish, all those people around him were sad, they were grieving, they were able to show the pain they were feeling and he felt jealous about that. He couldn't just show how he felt, he couldn't break down like the other people in the room, he needed to leave in order to let out his pain.

Every time he saw Addison next to her boyfriend, all he could think was that it was his place, he was the one who had to be there next to her, offering comfort when she needed it. It was killing him, especially when the picture of himself, Addison and the children came to his head; he chose Addison's happiness over his and that was something he needed to live with.

After some of Addison's friends from LA left, including Eric, Derek was still there mostly because The Captain insisted he should stay a little longer than the others so they could remember the good old days, when they were all a family. But, just a couple of hours later, he decided to leave anyway.

"I really wanna thank you for coming here. I know how busy you must be in these days" Addison told him nicely when they were both standing outside the house waiting for Derek's cab

"You don't have to" he simply said "It was a nice service, I'm sure Bizzy would have loved it" he continued with a little smile on his face, knowing that probably he wouldn't have seen Addison again in a long time

"It was… Again I want to apologize for the way you had to find out about me and Eric. I think it was awkward enough for the three of us" Addison confessed to her former husband

"Don't apologize, Addie. It's not like I gave you any kind of warning about Meredith… I'm sure he is a very good guy; all of your friends love him, even my own sister… I'm sure you two are a great couple" It hurt him to say that but he admitted it anyway as she just laughed embarrassed and nodded, realizing he was right

"Yeah, he is… Thank you for saying that" Derek looked at her, she was there right in front of him, they were alone there. Derek knew that if he didn't do anything right now he would regret for the rest of his life and he was tired to lose every single opportunity in front of himself.

"Actually, don't" He started as Addison arched an eyebrow, deleting the slight smile on her face "I'm sure that Mr. Latino is great, he is sweet and is the perfect guy… But when I look at you two all I see is what we used to have, you look at him like you used to look at me, he makes you smile just like the way I used to do it… What happened to us, Addison? Where's all that love we used to feel?" He confessed to her. He didn't know what to say, she didn't expect anything like that, especially in a day like that one

"Derek, please don't say that… You need to leave now, the cab's waiting" She managed to say, trying to avoid the conversation she had been afraid of since the moment he arrived

"I don't care about the damn cab, Addison! What happened to us? Our life together would have turned out amazing, in a way neither one of us could have ever imagined… I know I've should have said something earlier, I wish I would have noticed it earlier, but I love you Addison. I've always loved you and I always will, probably I'm not the perfect guy like he is, but I've seen what our life together looks like and it's not something you would want to miss" Addison was more confused than ever, she couldn't believe what she was listening to

"You can't do this to me, not now Derek! Now that I've finally moved on with my life, after the mess you made, after how you screwed me, now I'm finally with someone who deserves me, someone I'm finally happy with, someone who doesn't treat me the way you did! You have no idea how much I wanted to hear that years ago, but not now Derek! You got your chance to move on with someone else when we were still married, you can't tell me this now when I already found someone!" Derek knew she was right, he got his chance and he lost it. He regret that he never even bothered to talk to Addison when he could resolve things, but after all those years it was almost impossible to have her back in the way he wanted to

"Addison, you're not listening to me! I've seen how our life together would look like, we would be what we had always dreamed and we would have the most beautiful and intelligent children ever! Addison, we can make all of it real, it's all up to you"

"Derek, are you even listening to yourself? Because what you are saying doesn't make any sense… We didn't work out as a couple, then we tried again and we got a divorce, that's the end of our story… I didn't want to tell you this but I'm engaged, I was gonna get married this month but according the circumstances we are gonna wait few more months" She confessed to Derek, who couldn't believe that there was nothing he could do

"I'm just gonna ask you something… Can you really live the rest of your live never knowing what we could have been after this?" Derek wanted an answer, he needed an answer to move on, or at least try to.

"Yes, I can… I don't have a choice, Derek! You made it this way, I can't go back with you and pretend we are just fine, I'm sorry but I can't"

"You do have a choice!" Derek told her softly "I'm the only one who doesn't have a choice here, I left Meredith, I left my job as a Chief of Surgery because I realized that you're all I want, you and nothing else"

"So that what's all about, right? You have nowhere else to go, you left your girlfriend so the first thing in your mind is your ex-wife? Wow Derek, I thought that after all these years you would change, but you won't"

"No Addie, you're misunderstanding everything! I love you Addison, that's all" He confessed again though at this point everything he would do or say seemed meaningless to Addison

"And for the thousand time, I'm in love with my fiancé. I did love you Derek but that was a long time ago, so please take your cab and leave so we can both move on and pretend this never happened, okay?"

"I'm sorry Addison, I really am… I shouldn't have said anything, I was way out of line" He said realizing that Addison was seriously in love with her boyfriend and was way over him

"Just go, okay? I- I… Just go" She told him and he nodded, he turned back with his small suitcase in his left hand and finally took his cab to go to the airport.

During the long flight back to Seattle, all he could do was thinking. Thinking what to do with his life since now on, he didn't get Addison back, he had had a fight with Meredith and he wasn't thinking to apologize, he quit his job, the one he had dreamed of ever since he was a kid. All he wanted was having back everything he saw in that dream, but now that Addison rejected him, that image of that perfect family he was dreaming of was slowly disappearing. It wouldn't come true, not without her.

When he arrived back in Seattle, he went straight to his trailer where he kept almost all his stuff. Suddenly he had the feeling that he wanted to blow it away, probably it was because that was Addison had always asked him the few months she lived there. Or maybe it was because the trailer itself brought him memories, things that he didn't want to remember or at least not now. That trailer made him remember the hell he made Addison go through, how bad he treated her and how it all ended up. He couldn't be there, he needed to go to another place where he could make all those thoughts go away. His first thought was an OR, but there was no way he could practice medicine in the way he was feeling at the moment, so the only place he could think about was Joe's, where all started. He would give himself to the alcohol for that night and then he'd figure out what to do next.

He went to the bar and there were some familiar faces, luckily for him neither Meredith or her friends were there. Only few nurses and interns; they all started to whisper when they saw him, wondering what was wrong with him and why he would have left his job on his very first day. Derek only sat on an empty stool and asked Joe a drink, which was all he wanted.

"I didn't expect to see you here today, Dr. Shepherd" Joe started to talk to Derek after he gave him his fifth glass of scotch

"Well, my mother-in-law died a couple days ago… Well, my former mother-in-law, I always confuse that" Derek told Joe as he noticed that the alcohol was already talking for Derek

"I'm sorry about that" Joe simple answered

"That's nothing, seriously. Considering the fact that I lost everything in one day, I lost my job, my wife, my ex-wife… Everything"

"Well, that really sucks… You know what, this drink is on the house" He gave him another drink, he used to do that once a day, when he felt sorry about one of his costumers. Derek allowed himself to drink all night, trying to fill that hole inside of him. But he couldn't stop thinking about what he lost, not even with all the alcohol he had drank, he couldn't kept away from his memory that now everything he dreamed and everything he wanted belonged to someone else.

When he went back to his trailer, he immediately went to bed. He didn't know what he was gonna do the next day when waking up but in that moment all he wanted to do was sleeping and finally stop thinking.

The next morning he woke up with an incredible headache. He couldn't even open his eyes to see the sunlight, it was all very fuzzy for him, he felt like he wanted to stay there all night until the pain would finally go away. But something caught his attention, when he turned back to try to get more sleep, he felt like someone was next to him. His first thought was that he might have gotten a one-night-stand with a random woman at the bar the other night. But it wasn't. He slowly opened his eyes and saw her, sleeping, wearing pijamas and from that messy red hair he could notice that that woman was Addison. Once again, he couldn't believe it and again, none of this made sense, just like the first time.

"Addison? Addison!" He tried to wake her up, touching repeatedly her arm but she only covered her face with a pillow to continue sleeping "Addison, honey wake up!" He repeated

"Derek, whatever you want, it can wait! It's the first day in weeks we both have the morning off, so the least thing we can do is get a little more sleep" Addison told him between yawns

"No, no, no Addison, wake up!" He insisted, he seemed like a kid on a Christmas morning

"Okay, what do you want?" She told him rolling her eyes and sitting to hear what he wanted

"Nothing, I- I just want you to know that I'm happy you're here with me" He had no idea about what to say, he didn't know where they were standing at that point, all he knew was that he was glad he woke up next to her again. They were in the trailer, it was pretty obvious they were still in Seattle working together but he needed to know more about it.

"That's all? Honey, we really should get more sleep, after all tonight's the big hospital Prom, you don't wanna look like hell for it" She told him turning back again to sleep

"The prom?" He said to himself, it was the day their whole marriage fell apart. When he made the hugest mistake in his life, the night he regretted the most and now he had the chance to make things work again? He needed to be sure that that opportunity wouldn't disappear just like the last one

"Addie, let's go to the hospital. I have to check on Burke before everyone starts to get crazy because of the Prom" He remembered exactly that day, even the things that happened before the Prom, checking on Burke was the perfect excuse to go to the hospital early in the morning "Come on Addie, let's go so you can also check on Richard's niece so we'll all know she's okay for tonight"

A couple of hours later the Shepherds went to the hospital. They noticed the interns were busy with the decoration, just like Derek remembered. The only thing different this time was that now he had been next to Addison holding her hand like a couple of teenagers since the moment they arrived, she couldn't explain this strange change of Derek but she was okay with that, she wouldn't complain about it.

After Addison went to check on her patient, Derek immediately went to Richard's office; he needed to ask him once again about this sudden and unexpected change.

"Richard" He greeted, he was seated behind his desk, signing some intern's cards

"Shep, nice to see you… You should be getting ready for the Prom tonight, you know, every person who works here has to go"

"You know that's not why I'm here" He admitted, once again Richard was acting like he didn't know anything, but Derek was already getting used to it "I'm not gonna stalk you and I won't call you or anything, I just need to know what's this now? Just tell me and we won't ever have to talk about it"

"You are one of the good ones Shep, yesterday you did the right thing, you chose her happiness over your own and that's not something easy to do. So this is your last chance, it's all up to you. It's your choice. You wanna do the same things, you can do the same things you did or you can change everything and make come true what you saw, so please don't screw up this time, it's your last chance" Richard admitted to Derek, who immediately smiled with Richard's speech

"I won't, I promise… This time I'll do it right" Derek gave a handshake to Richard, showing gratitude for giving him another chance, for giving him one more try to make things right

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna check on my niece… I'll see you and Addie tonight"

"Of course you will, thank you so much Richard" He told him once again.

Hours later, he and Addison arrived back again to the hospital now all dressed up for the Prom, he was looking very handsome with his black tux that Addison chose for him, as she was looking stunning in a red dress. They had been together since they got there, right now Addison was getting a drink on the table while she was sharing her high school memories with her husband

"…This whole thing brings back very traumatic memories of being a band geek, with braces and a lisp, spending the whole evening with Skippy Gold talking about Star Wars…"

But Derek wasn't exactly paying attention to his wife, because as he remembered, he saw Meredith arriving and he saw how Finn hugging her but this time he would do a lot of things differently, especially this particular night, as soon as he saw her he just laughed and that was all he was gonna do related to Meredith that night.

"… So, do you want to dance?" Addison asked her husband smiling, she was very excited about that night

"No, I don't" He said, still smiling. Addison didn't understand that

"Seriously?" She asked surprised

"Yeah, let's get out of here. I wanna show you something" He took her by the hand and took her outside the hospital

"Okay, so what's that thing you wanna show me?" She asked him curiously

"Here's the thing, Addie. I know I've been acting like an ass since you moved here, I think a part of me wanted to hurt you so badly for what you did to me…"

"Okay thanks for getting that straight, it was nice to come here with you" She said, interrupting Derek but he took her hand so she wouldn't go and listen everything he needed to say

"Let me finish, Addie. The thing is that I can't lose you, I was too busy trying to ignore you or pretending that we weren't husband and wife that I almost forgot how much I love you, so what I'm telling you is that here I am, asking you to forgive me for everything I've done these last months and start to give us a real try because I love you so much and I know how miserable I would be if you're not with me" He admitted to Addison who was drying the tears off her face, she was happy to finally hear those words.

"Do you realize this is the very first time you say you love me since I moved here?" She asked with tears in her ayes

"I do and I'm sorry for not saying it earlier" He answered her with his particular McDreamy smile

"Thank you, Derek, thank you so much! That's all I've ever wanted since you decided to give us another try"

"Well, you're gonna hear it very often since now on" He kissed her just like he has wanted to do it since he lost her

"You know, I'm sure that the on-call room is free right now, we should take a look" Addison told her husband interrupting their very passionate kiss but he just smiled

"No, let's not get any on-call room or any exam-room" He smiled, shaking his head "I made a reservation in the Archifield for tonight, so if you want we can go back inside or we can leave right now"

"Let's go" Both Shepherds laughed and Addison took her husband's hand once again but this time she felt something in it "You're also wearing our wedding ring?"

"Yes, I told you, Addie. This time I'm serious about us, I want us to have a real chance and get over everything we did in the past"

"Thank you so much, Derek"

"I love you, Addison"

This time Derek Shepherd knew exactly what to do. He had needed to lose everything to realize the mistake he made, but this time he wouldn't do the same he once did. This time he was gonna fight for his marriage, like he didn't do the first time. He knew it wouldn't be easy to get over that mess but he was sure they were able to do it, they were able to survive that mess and Derek knew that now he would make everything he saw come true, he knew that everything he saw would be there, and the most important thing he would be next to his wife every single step on the way of their recovery after the damages of his marriages. All they needed was one more try.

The End


End file.
